Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I read so many posts here that I can relate to and sometimes I even learn something about myself from them. This is a great site and I'm glad I found you guys. Sometimes I worry that it makes me dwell on things too much but most of the time I just learn more from all of this.
Like this morning. I'm having my coffee while reading the forums and I come across a post that really takes me back. Back to the horrible feelings I had from the damage of my first marriage. PTSD seems to be a life long thing. Easily managed if you deal with it up front and keep in mind always that it can pop up in your life at any moment. Be aware of the signs so you can recognize it when it rears it's ugly head. And be very open and honest about it with your SO when it does rear it's head. Which I was with my stbx. It didn't have any impact on our relationship because I told him when I had something come up and told him where it was coming from.
I haven't posted anything about my first marriage and don't know if I ever will. But this persons post got me thinking about it especially since my ex called me last night because he was upset about the kids. He was on the verge of tears a few times during the conversation. His kids are learning all on their own that they can't be around his destructive personality and he's starting to feel them pull away from him. I felt sorry for him. I found myself trying to comfort him.
And then guilty! When the realization hit that I made him feel years ago when our marriage ended the way I'm feeling now. Not because I had a choice in leaving or could have fought longer to repair our marriage. Not because my stbx left me for the same reasons I left my ex. Not for anything anyone did wrong. Just because I was the cause of that pain. Whether I was justified in leaving or not. I just never knew how much pain he was in until now because I'm going through it.
Maybe it's a good thing to be on this side of things. Now I know what both sides feel like and can understand how hard it is to leave someone and how hard it is to be left. What I do with that understanding I haven't figured out yet.
Like this morning. I'm having my coffee while reading the forums and I come across a post that really takes me back. Back to the horrible feelings I had from the damage of my first marriage. PTSD seems to be a life long thing. Easily managed if you deal with it up front and keep in mind always that it can pop up in your life at any moment. Be aware of the signs so you can recognize it when it rears it's ugly head. And be very open and honest about it with your SO when it does rear it's head. Which I was with my stbx. It didn't have any impact on our relationship because I told him when I had something come up and told him where it was coming from.
I haven't posted anything about my first marriage and don't know if I ever will. But this persons post got me thinking about it especially since my ex called me last night because he was upset about the kids. He was on the verge of tears a few times during the conversation. His kids are learning all on their own that they can't be around his destructive personality and he's starting to feel them pull away from him. I felt sorry for him. I found myself trying to comfort him.
And then guilty! When the realization hit that I made him feel years ago when our marriage ended the way I'm feeling now. Not because I had a choice in leaving or could have fought longer to repair our marriage. Not because my stbx left me for the same reasons I left my ex. Not for anything anyone did wrong. Just because I was the cause of that pain. Whether I was justified in leaving or not. I just never knew how much pain he was in until now because I'm going through it.
Maybe it's a good thing to be on this side of things. Now I know what both sides feel like and can understand how hard it is to leave someone and how hard it is to be left. What I do with that understanding I haven't figured out yet.
deleted_user
PTSD or CPTSD -- I can't recommend EMDR strongly enough.
deleted_user
I am now on both sides as well and can understand how the first one felt. Maybe it is Karma coming after me 29 yrs. later something I have thought of many times.
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