Back story I am a marine vet with 2 tours of duty under my belt becuase of those things i have ptsd which is very bad from time to time.  I currently have cancer and start treatment tomorrow my son has cancer a brain tumor he started treatment last week.  which brings me to my wife well we never signed the papers we had a wedding but a problem with my birth certificate and we just never signed the paperwork.  that was 2 years ago.  we starting dating 3 years ago and since then we bought a house and made it somthing special.  there has been ups and downs like every marriage and with my cancer getting worse its been tough to do those things that we feel in love with.  I am struggling to do normal day to day functions.  I have a son from a prvious marriage and she has a duaghter from a previous relationship.  great guy by the way very invloved a great dad.  Well i had a major ptsd episode and it was worse then the others and she left to stay at a "friends" house.  the one friend i didn't like.  It was a pretty major epsisode and with that being said she told her daughters dad and he as he should have is worried about his duaghters saftey which I completly under stand.  I should say noone of my episodes have been viloent nor have i ever laid a hand on either one of them.  but with that being said she is gone has been gone for a couple days now.  which is a scary place to be i haven't been alone in this house ever we bought it together and it's always been us.  so now thats its just me and the animals it's been rough.  I'm a complete mess i dont want to leave the house hoping i dont miss her if she comes back so we can talk i don't want it to be over.  i hear that i'm lucky becuase we arent married which means the house is still in my name i wont loose the house but i'm scared out of my mind that i will loose her.  I miss her and my step duaghter alot.  i haven't eaten much since she left i just have major struggles with knowing this could be it.  I stand in each room and just stair at pictures of us on the walls and i just cry.  I know i can't compare some of the struggles everyone else has but I know how i feel right now.  knowing tomorrow i start treatment alone and that scares me.  with some of the problems i have from my tours in iraq i have major nerve damage and makes it hard to wash my self and she has always been then to scrub my back and body we have been a team for 3 years and i have put alot of trust and faith in to her and she just drove off.  I never felt so helpless and its making it hard to do those things knowing she isn't here any more.  knowing that one sound i herd cualsed that attack and what if i didn't hear it.  the what if's our driving me nuts.  i don't know how to feel anymore.  we had plans we had a life and it's just gone.  what do i do?  where do i go from here?  why am i not good enough for her to stay?  i finaly had gotten the paperwork for getting married and she said we should wait then the next days she leaves.  I know all this at once is hard on her too but how do i come to terms that it could be over.  she is and always have been my rock since the moment we met i feel in love with her and it's been so hard to understand how it can just be over.  i know my depression of me being sick my son being sick and watch my marriage fail sucks.  but i never left i stayed.  till death ment somthing to me.  how do i accept that?