His emotions are all over the place, and he obviously has little control over them. For this reason, I'd advise you to bring another person with you when you move your things, for your own safety. You never how people will react to something like this.

Everyone's situation is different and you need to take precautions. Better safe than sorry! Once the dust settles, if things are amicable, you can meet in a public place to discuss anything trivial that needs to be discussed (I would leave the money talk and whatever else for your lawyer, when that time comes).

I have never been married, and there are a lot of people here who have been through this situation, but I thought I'd give you a common-sense perspective. Good luck!

I'm going to guess he's controlling? He sounds a lot like my former brother-in-law. He'd do the same thing...switching back and forth trying to get the desired reaction out of my sister. When he feels out of control, things get ugly. He broke down the door of her house and assaulted her boyfriend in front of the kids. She wasn't supposed to have the bf because her ex-husband didn't want her to and telling people they were still married (they weren't) and that they were getting back together (his delusion.) He's now facing prison time on felony charges for that but has broken the no contact order numerous times and will probably spend a week in jail one of these days for that, too.
Keely is right...have people help you move. We had to have the cops there to get my sister out. Hopefully you won't. I'd encourage you to contact a domestic violence advocate even if he's never hit you. Domestic violence isn't just physical...it's verbal and emotional (I'm kind of passionate about this because of all my sister has survived.) They can help you with suggestions, support, etc. Good luck and hugs to you!

I agree with the others--if he has anger management issues, have someone there with you. I also would not give out your new address to him or many others until things settle.

These situations are highly emotional--you never know what to expect. Better to be safe than sorry.

Hugs!

He might be controling but it's not rare for ppl who do not want a breakup to act strange - it's an impacting change and many do not know how to react. I mean, isn't that what we read daily on this site? - ppl frustrated b/c they were left by their mates? - When ppl feel left/abandoned, the reasons do not matter - even if there's no cheating - the thought of the breakup and you leaving is enough to freak him out. Now, only you know if he's always been a control freak or a luni - but I don't think that matters - many ppl would be acting the way he is.

Like the other person said, you might want to take steps to feel safe when you get ready to move out or make sure he's not home.

Good luck.

I agree with the other posters. I think you know in your gut that it's not a good idea to tell him when you're moving or ask for his help. Trust your instincts and don't tell him. Find someone else to help you and be safe. Have as little contact as possible.

I did not tell my STBX...I had been planning to find a place and move out with the kids in June after school ended, but things got so bad I ended up getting a protective order and having him served. I was too afraid to ask him to move out and I had nowhere to go that I could afford that would be near the kids' schools. Maybe that was too much, maybe it wasn't. I'll never know. At times I think of all the wives who go "missing" in the news and then you find out they were about to leave their husbands or had already filed for divorce.. What if they had gotten a protective order? At least the kids and I were safe and were forced to go no-contact until the court date. Good luck!

I agree on taking someone with you when you move. If nothing else, they can be a witness if things go wrong for some reason. I understand his craziness. It's the mood swings that some people have when a crisis comes up. There are moments of calm, happiness and a euphoria type of existance then, the anger and the hostility kicks in.

When I decided to leave, my ex seemed relieved that I was leaving. She had told me that she did not love me and never had during our entire marriage. We had been married 8-1.2 yrs. at that time. I got 2 trash sacks of my clothes, my guns, and my old Ford Station Wagon. I left the other car and my truck. A few days later, she invited me to dinner at the house supposedly to try and reconcile our marriage. She however, had a little too much to drink one night at a local bar and said that when I drove up, my Harley would be on fire in the front yard. When I got that information, I had a couple of Biker buddies go steal my Harley out of my yard. When I went to work the following Monday, the local cop was waiting for me where I worked and told me that he had heard my wife and I had separated and that she had called them and told them someone stole my motorcycle. He asked me if I might know something about that and I said "I might". He then said "that's all I need to know.

I agree with keely and Melissa as well. Sometimes, the local Police or County Deputies will go with you to get your belongings. Their presence sometimes will diffuse any anger or aggressive behavior of the other person. Just a thought.

Thanks for all the advice. I don't believe that he would ever physically harm me but I understand the need to not be naive in these highly emotional situations. We've been talking about separating for about a year now/trying to work out our problems, but only when I actually started looking for apartments did I think it sink in for him that it was done and he sort of panicked and got crazy.

He's begging me for one last chance but the verbal abuse and lying and possible cheating (he claims there never was but my gut has always told me otherwise) has me to the point where I'm afraid that even with all the therapy in the world, it would never be the kind of marriage I want. He needs help with his anger and lying issues and I've tried to help him get help, but he says he wants it and never goes through with actually getting the help. I know you can't force someone to get help until they really want it, so all I can do is protect my own emotions and mental health and hope he finally seeks help someday. He deserves to be happy too.

Again, thanks for all the advice.