Is there a reason why you have to return to the apartment? Is there somewhere else that you can stay? I just think that being there with him will cause you even more mental anguish that you are already experiencing.

There are a few couches I can sleep on. I find it hard to accept that he's fine staying in the apartment when he was the cause of all this upheaval. I want to be strong enough to force him to move out; strong enough to be okay with him sleeping on the couch and me getting the king bed that I paid for while he looks for a place to stay. He said it would take him at least 2 weeks to move out. So I just want to be a badass and be fine for those 2 weeks, but I don't think I can handle it.

I begged too... for weeks. Like a dog. To no avail. I guess I thought if he would see how saw I am and how bad I want this and love him that he will change his mind. Pathetic I know. I feel
Your pain. I stopped begging but I still ache and wonder why I wasn’t good enough

Unless that's only option I would not be staying there. Sorry for your pain.

I'm sorry to hear that your engagement has been called off. I am sure this is extremely difficult! I wish I had a healing answer for you but the only bit of advice I can offer is removing yourself from the apartment until you've had ample time to digest and heal from your broken heart. Seems to me that the closer you are to him, the more difficult it will be for you to mend. If staying with your parents is an option, this may be the best place for you to recuperate and regain strength. Remaining with your parents can give you great support and stability. If you feel completely overwhelmed, then maybe a life counselor would be helpful. They can help shift your perspectives and offer words of wisdom. This would be a great way to get back up on your feet, focus on some small goals, and concentrate on what it is that you want out of the relationship. I wish you luck and complete healing!!