I see progress, just in the things that you're posting on here.

Divorce is often compared to a roller coaster because the feelings keep going back down again.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. You're getting there. Slowly, but it's coming.

Believe in yourself.

(And know this. Sometimes when people get over it really really fast....they just fall back into the same old patterns and are back to square one in a couple years.)

I am sorry and do know your pain and thoughts

Even though she has burnt all her bridges with me....I still want to see remorse and regret from her.......for her to wake up one day the woman she used to be...so in love with me....and realize the insanity that has been these last 2 1/2 years......
But that woman I knew changed....has gone....and no longer exists

My life is new...Different....and has a completely different future now

A good one......But not the same

I am angry.....but I am letting go

I'm so sorry. I know how hard this is. Please do your best to accept that she isn't coming back...I expect it will take me at least two years to get past my divorce. It's a difficult, heart rending experience.

I'm sorry for your pain as well. I think many of us here have felt like you do off and on during this journey thrown at us. I know I had hopes for my ex to "wake" up and realize what he has done and come back to me. Until one day, just a few weekends ago in fact, I had an ah ha moment and FINALLY realized that he wasn't coming back and the acceptance came. I immediately went no contact and I have been able to see things clearly for the first time since his leaving. My ex left in Feb. 2014 and our divorce was final in Jan. 2015 and it took me this entire time to work my way through all of the pain, heartache and emotions of this unwanted life event.

Be gentle with yourself. Its ok to cry whenever you need to, I still cry on occasion but I feel that shows how deeply we loved our exes, how big our hearts were for them. Yes they broke our hearts but we deserve better and in the end, it truly is their loss. Let's free ourselves from the past and sadness. This is our time to shine. I believe if we want another love to happen in our lives, it will but first we must fully heal and that starts by putting the past where it belongs, in the past and learning to love ourselves and learning to love our new lives.

Everyone's responses have been spot on but Murphy said it so well, at least in my case:
My life is new...Different....and has a completely different future now
A good one......But not the same

One day at a time~that is all we can do sometimes, and it is enough. Hugs!

Hi ESL, I completely understand. At the one year mark, I felt the same way - although I didn't actually believe my exh could do what was necessarily so I could trust him again. Basically, I wanted a memory wipe of the previous year and for us to go to therapy, deal with our issues (before the trust was broken) and live happily ever after. I was still grieving.

Roller coaster is right.

I'm at 17 months and I'm starting to see a sustained shift. I can now see his behaviour more clearly. While I still grieve at times that my kids will never have that traditional nuclear family, I no long grieve for him.

But, I am lonely. Lots of friends etc. But day-in-day-out, going to work, coming home. Kids. No one to share those small moments, successes, troubles with. This is what I am struggling with now. And the thought of dating still makes me physically naseous.

Sorry - that is more about me than about you.

Take-away - you are on the right path. You will get there. It does keep getting easier.

My wounds are still fresh , it's been three months since my stbxh told me he was done being a husband . Our divorce is almost final but not quite. I was truly devastated when this first all happened to me, I was so lost. For me, the anger toward him for what he did drives me. I tell myself things like he doesn't care about me , why should I care about him? I dedicated my life to him and he just walked away from everything like it was nothing. My point is , she does not deserve your feelings of pain, yes you feel them but you are a person, a human among millions . We all have our own identity , we are all meaningful in this life. I force my mind to think this is the end of a chapter in my book of life. I must go on to the next, I don't know what is coming in the next pages but I know things will change , this experience you have gone through is one of the hardest things in life, just know it will get better , you have to keep turning the pages and let go of the previous chapter. Everything to this point was written for you , now it is time for you to write your own story , how things will be. Push forward, force it forward. A drive you have to find that a character has left the story , time to build your future one page at a time. Just like any book or movie it takes you through different emotions. You wish she would come back , I thought the same thing at first , I wish he would wake up , but now I know that if he came back it wouldn't be the same, and they would probably hurt you again.she lost her right to your life when she left. Just keep pushing forward, live and let live . I pray everyday for strength , I don't pray for him. For my ex it was a choice just like your x she made a choice. They made a choice and they will have to live with that choice. Us too, but the difference is you know you tried. Find peace and let go. Focus on your future . Your goals In life. What helps me is thinking about who I was before I met my stbx, more then 23 years ago. I start from there,

Esl, I am very sorry that this has happened. I completely understand those feelings and I may not be the best to give you advice but I will say that what everyone has said in this forum for advice, has been spot on. The road is rocky, up and down, we never know. But what I do know, is that we are here for a purpose, we have not given up on life for a reason. The hardest part is fully accepting and forgiving. But I do hope that the time to fully accept and forgive is very near.

Do you believe in this sort of thing like your Aura? As in positive thinking attracts positive events type of thing? I was just recently been introduced to this speaker named Abraham Hicks (youtube workshops) which have been very positive. I can't say it has taken how I feel away, but it has been an amazing start to this new journey ahead of us, this different life, this different path. Not what we would have wanted, but I try to think that everything happens for a reason even when I can't stop crying! Best wishes to you. You're not alone.

Love,

cymyob1712

I know the feelings your going through are hard. I've thought about ending my life just to get her attention. But time will pass and you will start to feel better. The wound won't hurt so much. I'm on year 4. Keep on living :)

And that's 4 years with absolutely no contact.