Time CAN help, as long as it's productive time. Have you talked to anybody? I know I ended up with depression after the separation and have been on vitamin D supplements to treat it.
We are all here for you.

I am so sorry that you are in pain. In time it does get better but you need to look to your future and focus on you. Do not keep yourself in the past it will not do you any good. Stay extremely busy and surround yourself with positive people. Do you really want to be with someone who has hurt you like that? We have no choice but to move forward and look to a future that can and will be a better life. Someone who cheats and lies is a self-centered selfish person who does not deserve to be with YOU. The future is up to you, do things that make YOU happy. Come here for support as everyone on DS knows what you are going through. HUGS

I agree with Dave--perhaps it's time to talk to a counselor or look into getting anti-depressants.

I found I did really well for about a year after the divorce but this second year has been tough. My ex called in September 2010 and dropped a bomb on me about multiple affairs and this has really caused me to struggle. I am back into counseling and dealing with this and also seeing my medical doctor about my medication. Nothing to be ashamed of--I simply am calling this time a 'tune-up'--I just think that there will be a few of these moments throughout my life as I deal with this life-changing event.

Time does help and it is important to look at how you are filling your days--are you trying to develop new hobbies, make new friends, etc. KMPC is right--try not to live in the past--I am learning this lesson. At some point we have to let it go and move forward.

I'm sorry you're struggling--sending hugs!

Well This person is a very close personal friend of mine. I have been trying to help him out as much as I can because I know this because my wife has done the same thing. Only she ruined two lives, mine and my sisters. She has now been with my brother in law. I have gone through so much stuff right now. Just trying to save the 200 dollar fee my lawyer charged me to file she has already signed the papers I served her in court, good thing he was not there.

Now I fear for her littles boys safty. She is not a fit mother at all. She is so neglecting her own little 3 year old having other strangers watch him as she moves from place to place with my BIL. Who by the way is getting sued by my sister. She just had a baby of his number 2. She decided to use my laywer and getting him for child support, Abandonment of her and the baby, and suing for divorce and Alamony. My wife will not stick around to be with my BIL. Just for the fact he is poor has no job, no car, no place to go his family has disowned him for the fact he is worthless. She is not better no car, no job, moving from place to place to whoever brings them in. Like her swinging friends and Druggies. The little boy was my stepson and I miss him and care about the little guy she gave up a good life with me. We had money, cars, I had a good job so did she, Her cheating and Lying ruined that. I was going to put her through school help her get her drivers lisence, She never graduated only because she got pregnant at 17..

All in all my wife is so selfish I do to feel the pain and am very hopeless right now. I do go to counseling adn try so very hard with it. its only been like 3 months and my lawyer says after I pay him it will only take 3 weeks then I am Divorced. Sad to hear that word DIVORCE. Its so hurtful I really did try so much in my marriage I was honest, caring, loving, understanding. What does a guy need to be shown the same respect and Trust..? She betrayed me so very much.

Bud I love you care for you and Understand we will get through this together and we will be happy again I hope. Life is depressing at times. I know! Hang in there bud. Lets do the things that makes us happy. The future is ours. I just hope you know that. Continue to come here for support and also keep on Trucking. Dill would say that ha ha..

i am sorry you are hurting. it sounds like you have gotten some good advice here. i am not in a good place right now, but i wanted you to know that i hear you and that you are not alone. i think its good you are reaching out. ((hugs))

Heartbroken, so sorry you too are going through this pain. It can be hard to let go, but there are many things you can do to help yourself along.

You know, most experts say it takes a minimum of 1 year after divorce to feel more like yourself again. It can be up to 2 years for long-terms marriages/relationships. Ten years of being with someone is a long time, so give yourself time to heal.

I agree with Dave & Hurtinandhealin about seeing if antidepressants are a good option for you. And working with a good counselor can make all the difference in the world.

Just remember that most psychiatrists don't make good "talk" therapists, so it's ok to have a psychiatrist just for the medication, but go to an experienced counselor for your talk therapy & ongoing work. They can talk with your psychiatrist as needed, if meds are determined to be beneficial to you.

The best place to look for both is on the "Psychology Today" website. They have a list local therapists along with their credentials. Try & see someone who's been in practice at least 10 years--ideally 15+ years.

PS: And be sure you see an actual psychiatrist, and not just your GP/regular doctor for your initial evaluation & any initial prescriptions. Really important.

Hello Still Struggling: I feel exactly as you feel: the decent days, then bad ones; trying to keep busy, not really helping; and especially missing the person you married, not the one you divorced. I guess I am not much help then, except to tell you I know what you are feeling and afraid it won't go away. Everyone says it will..... I hope and pray for you and me that it does. Everyone says to "focus on you" - don't really want to, right?

Thanks for all the help everyone. Yes , I have been seeing a counselor and that has been quite helpful. I visited with him today, but he over-booked another client, so my time was cut short and it was not a very helpful session. He usually helps though.

I take an anti-anxiety pill and that helps tremendously. I have tried several anti-depressants and they either don't really work or they make me very sick. I plan to talk to my doctor very soon about this though.

I've been feeling a bit better over the past couple of days, but I know that comes and goes. There will be more hard times to come. I'm trying to keep busy and stay positive, but it's tough. As well as not looking to much to the past. It's hard to move on when you are still missing what's gone...not just my wife but the whole life I used to have. Everything is SO different now.

I guess it's all in the perspective one takes. I know this is going to be a long haul, but I'm glad I have my DS friends to help me along the way. I appreciate you all so much and thanks. Keep helping me. :)