Hugs my friend. I went through the same thing, it is very hard to deal with. One thing, make sure that you have separate bank accounts and credit cards. Do not sign anything without your lawyer's okay. Do not agree with him on anything. Do not fall for that "poor is me" line either. I had to live with him for a year until the house was sold. Look around for a place. Build up your credit too. And if you see him, smile, turn around and walk away. I was married almost 25 years.

Please go to a good divorce attorney ASAP. Like now. Even if you don't file for divorce immediately, get good legal information. Find out what your obligations might be or what you are entitled to legally. I gave my ex a deadline to move out and went to the spare bedroom like you have done. Although he got out quickly! I just lived my life around him and kept a smile and pleasant demeanor at all times until I went to my room. I stopped doing "our" laundry and cleaning the master bedroom he was in. Although I would clean the bathroom when I was home and he was at work but not so he'd notice. His bedroom began to smell because he refused to change the sheets and he was smoking something and drinking a lot so his room smelled like him (yuck) at night. I resisted my natural urge to just clean in there because the house was paid off by me and I wanted my investment to not get crushed by some bad smell and mold and mildew in the bathroom from his slob ways. But I didn't ever tell him or let him know I was opening the window in there and lightly cleaning the bathroom. I no longer did his laundry or cooked his meals. I cooked for me and the one teenager left in the house. We were married almost 25 years. You don't say if you have kids or not. The most thing is you have to start to heal yourself and accept how he is and who he is. Get those separate bank accounts and start to make copies of any legal records you guys have or banking records, etc. If you guys share a computer, get your own and clear your browsing history each time you get off the computer. Start to withhold your own personal information from him. Don't chat with him or tell him about your day. Don't fight either. Just save your energy for yourself and doing what the attorney tells you to do. Cut back on anything in your name that you can cut off and save the money. Don't be his friend, don't be his enemy. Cry only in your room quietly at night if you have to. Journal on paper and pen every evening how you feel. I used to hold it in until Saturday nights when ex was in the bars to cry. But I journaled how I felt every evening. I also hid a box of our financial records at a friend's house. He never knew. Get counseling for yourself. Take care of you. It is all about you right now. Be self protective. Do something every day that you find enjoyable, go for a walk around the block, read a book. Hugs to you.

By being detached and no longer his wife in name (just legally), you'll show him what he will miss. If you continue to beg and plead and do for him, he has no consequences. So it is a matter of ourselves changing ourselves. He is not going to change. We must let go of our needing to be nice to the spouse and helpful and showing our love. Don't show your love, except now it is show your love to yourself. Treat him as a roommate. Get your clothing and toiletries into the guest bedroom and bath. Remove any items of his that are in the guest bedroom. Purchase a dresser if you need to. The furniture will likely be split anyway. Start to really live a separate life. This may be very hard for you emotionally. He has already checked out of the marriage so don't make it pleasant for him to have you as his maid, bill payer, cook, etc. And don't have sex with him. Never never never. It won't make him come back and you'll feel empty.

Urban gardener said it all well. I had to live with my ex in the house for maybe six months when I got divorced twenty years ago. Getting a lawyer asap is key. Also, if you have a safe place to store it - get everything out that you have sentimental attachment to IMMEDIATELY. For me that meant some paintings, etc. I knew that we were supposed to not do ANYTHING with ANYTHING the second the lawyers were involved but I'll be damned if I was going to let him have the painting that someone made while I watched when I was in Italy. That type of thing. The way my ex was he did not even notice. I didn't feel too badly because he ended up draining the bank account one day even though we were not supposed to and he never had to account for that! So immediately secure the money. I am now the lucky winner of a NEW DIVORCE as of today from my second husband of 15 years. We ALSO are getting to live in the same house. The last time I was very emotionally unattached to my ex but this time divorce was completely my husband's idea and abrupt and so this is going to be torture. Everything that Urban said about hiding in your room to cry and otherwise being neutral is how I've been existing for the past three weeks and how I will continue. I have also been not doing his laundry, cooking meals, cleaning the master bedroom/bathroom and that is giving me secret satisfaction - although I am super committed to making this as amicable as possible. You can still behave honorably overall but also allow yourself these little triumphs to get through. I can almost see him over the past couple of weeks as it dawns on him - oh wait, you aren't going to put my laundry away anymore, are you. Oh wait, you aren't making lunch and dinner for me anymore. Today in our last therapy session - "So when our child is having time with me that means I have to take her to school and pick her up??!" Oops, didn't consider that. He didn't seem to consider much at all, turns out. So all I can say is that I am in the exact same boat at this moment and will be doing the same things and hopefully we will all be posting on this site six months from now in a much better and more hopeful place. Hang in there and know you are not alone!

Hi, I really think there is no problem in staying under the same roof if you both can manage it well separately. However, given your situation, getting a divorce as soon as possible or moving to a separate home would be the right choice. As your husband had made it clear he doesn't want to continue with the marriage there is absolutely no point in you feeling attachment to him. This would in turn bring only despair on you. Try moving out and lead your life like a boss lady. Let us hope for the best.

I am so sorry to hear about your impending divorce, although I do not have experience in regard to living under the same roof, DS community did help with adivising a lawyer sooner rather than later.

My ex husband got a lawyer sooner than I had expected, and thankfully I was able to find one at a reasonable price. Also, they can give you free or small fee consultations even before choosing one. It's good to know what your options are in regard to anything that is shared.

Goodluck to you

I found out in Oct 2021 my husband has been cheating on me. We still live under the same roof but I have not seen him since the day I found out. We have a 2 story house so he lives upstairs and I live on the main floor. The only common area we share is the kitchen and obviously I can hear him if he using the kitchen so I stay in my room. Mon-Fri I leave for work at 3:00am and I am home by noon. He goes to work and doesn’t get home until around 6:00pm. So i have most of the day without him here. By the time he gets home I have already eaten and just go to my room to watch tv. On the weekends I go out with my friends so I am rarely home. The situation works out good for me. He is very remorseful, is going to Marriage Coaching, a therapist, he has quit drinking and he is trying to do all the right things. I how ever can’t get past it, and can’t look at him. The only reason I have let him stay is because our beloved dog loves us both so much and I don’t want her to be affected. She is a rescue and she is a very nervous dog. People tell me I am crazy, but I look at it this way. I have a live in dog sitter who helps pay the bills! Lol. Not sure what I am going to do in the future because I do have PTSD from the infidelity and I am truly suffering but the arrangement I have will work for now until I decide on what to do.