Mine is still in the house and has been since he served me with divorce papers on Mother's Day. Yes, it is very uncomfortable not only because of the situation but also because he's spying on me constantly. I've already caught him going through my purse, my phone and my computer. I don't feel comfortable to talk on the phone in my house so I make most of my phone calls in the car. Basically, he lives on one floor and I live on the other. Having a great therapist has really helped.

I don't understand ...this can't be healthy for anyone. He is making things worse with the kids by being here so that will backfire if that is his reasoning. And the courts will decide what happens to the house. Maybe I just need to starting looking for another place for the kids and I to live.

I am not sure if it is better when they leave. I am thinking we have the fear of the unknown of the upcoming divorce proceedings.

I am afraid to feel ok. Mine is out of the house... the kids like his new place. I am hoping to get through the holidays and proceed with this new normal........

Not coming home is not ok. Once he leaves I think you will feel better.

It's not a good situation, it creates tons of anxiety. I'm on month 7 since the divorce proceedings were initiated, but it's been years of a dead marriage. He pretends like nothing has happened. He's king of the house and because it sickens me to see him sitting around all night and weekend, I keep away from him for the most part. Sadder still is dinnertime. When my son and I have dinner together, all's fine. We'll sit and eat and talk. When it's stbx, my son, and myself, my son eats quickly then departs. I really hate that he's still here. He even had the nerve to say to me awhile ago "Let me leave!". I choked on that one. I want nothing more than for him to leave, but he's delaying and stalling. Tomorrow is judgement day, as in Sept the judge urged us to do what was needed to move the divorce along, and stbx has done nothing but put up roadblocks.

You can do what you have to do for a short while, no matter how awful, if you're determined. Be determined to live through these soul crushing times and keep peeking ahead for peace. I know it's there for you.

It is pretty awlful. We have dinner together almost every night with the kids. We have not told them yet since they are young. It would almost be a relief when we finally tell them and the husband is out of the house because we are literally strangers in this house. We don't speak or look at each other...

It WAS a relief when I finally told the kids (then ages 15 & 17). I no longer had to pretend, it was such a huge weight lifted from my shoulders. The whole time I felt as if I had been dishonest to my children. I had been thinking for around 6 or 7 years that I had to stay married for the kids sake. As it turned out, my youngest was just waiting for the day he would be told there was a divorce happening. He knew, it did nothing beneficial for my son to delay the inevitable. Once the kids knew, I could finally be honest with everyone else. Didn't have to continue the lie, the charade. No longer have to go to New Year's parties with him and kiss him when the ball drops. Or, like last time at midnight, I just worked the room and avoided him like the plague! No more! Some friends can't accept this, and that's too bad.

Thanks. I guess I can do anything for a short time. I just figured he wouldn't want to be there so it wouldn't be an issue. I tried to talk to him today and he was mean. Not the man I married for sure. At least the girls have agreed to stay there tonight. It's much better when we are together. I guess it's only discussions by email and lawyers from now on. I can't imagine having to eat dinner with him. You are stronger than I am.

People say I am strong but I don't always feel it. Sometimes you just have to fake it till you feel it! Isn't that a song?

The sad part is we are actually very cordial. It's like we were never married and he is totally fine becoming a stranger. I still cry that I am losing a husband but I have accepted that he was never the man I wanted him to be. As I type this I am crying because the last 10 years was all a lie....

Yup, I cried for about a year. Even though he didn't say he wanted out, his actions screamed that he didn't want to be a husband. I'm over the marriage now, I hardened my heart toward him so I could survive. Now I just contend with the immense frustration of dealing with a big fat immature baby. My infrequent tears are more angst about when the divorce will be over, how much I'll have financially for my later years (I'm 54) and stuff like that which I currently have such little control over. Ugh.