Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Still Hurting?

pattongb
pattongb
So next month will be 2 years officially divorced, 2.5 years since I caught her with her new man (they now live in my house together,,,err her house now.

I still think about our marriage and the divorce a lot. I still have terrible days where the pain of missing my old life is so bad Im not sure I can go on.

I try not to think about my kids cuss then I think about another man raising them ( I see my youngest every other weekend). But then you think to yourself "how ffing crazy is this crap when I try NOT to think about my children." It sucks bad.

I have nothing and because of child support, completely starting over, etc I will have nothing for years. My car is the only thing of value I have and its worth $500.

For the first time since my divorce, I feel lonely. Ive been seeing a girl off and on for over a year, but I dont know if its because I dont like her enough, or because im having trouble getting over my past life, but she doesnt fill the loneliness I feel inside. Of all the feelings ive had since my divorce, loneliness is about the very worst...I hate it.

What is wrong with me? Shouldnt I have moved on more by now? Is it just because I havent fallen in love again? Is it because I have nothing of value in my life? Or am I still going through the normal process?

I hate still hurting this far down the line....
deleted_user
deleted_user
I don't believe there's a set time for how long it takes to get over a divorce. It takes however long it takes. But you do sound awfully sad and there are things you can do for that. Have you tried counseling? Sometimes it helps to have someone else help you take a look at a situation and help you work through the resentment and anger you may still be holding. Those things can hold you back from having any fulfilling relationship with anyone else. You're not feeling whole, something of you is missing. You can't possibly be in a relationship in that condition. It's not fair to you and it certainly isn't fair to the person.

I hope you find out what it is that's holding you back from healing completely. I hope you find the happiness that everyone deserves.
happywannab
happywannab
My take on it is this: You are still trying to HAVE your old life instead of looking ahead to try to build a new one. I did the same thing, tried to remake the life I had as a married person, because it was what I knew, not because it was perfect or even happy but it was comfotable because it was my "normal"! You have to stop looking back and start trying to look ahead and carve out a life that IS happy even if it is somewhat forgein and not your "norm". When you realize it will never be your old life again and accept it, you will find a new life! Good luck to you!
pattongb
pattongb
Well after my first divorce I wasnt worried about getting my old life back because I was so young (21). But now that im almost 40 im scared. Very scared. Scared I will never have what I had before. A house, a family to go home to. I would even like to have more kids. I just feel like im soooooo far behind now. That even if I do get back what I want in life ill be 50 by the time it happens.

That my friends scares the crap out of me.
happywannab
happywannab
40 is younger than you think! People start over much older than that! I'm 49! God willing we both still have a lifetime to live. You will have a "HOME" to come home to and people in your life to love as soon as you give up on the "little house on the prarie idea" of how life is supposed to be and enjoy the life you make for yorself. I know because I had to give up on the same preconcieved idea of how life is supposed to be! It is what we make of it. Be honest how many perfect "Leave it to Beaver" families do you know? Most people live a life different than that but most are also happy! You don't know what the future holds for you but you will never know if you don't take the chance and go out to see. You tried the way you thought it was supposed to go, didn't work (me either) so make yourself a new life, a happy one!! Hugs and strength being sent your way! I'm not afarid anymore because I like me and I know I will be fine and happy, even alone (not that I expect to be). You will get to this place too, just got to want to!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I'm so sorry the hurt is still so strong for you. It sounds like you want to be better, so that is a good start. There are people in my divorce support group that have been coming for a year or two and don't seem to be moving in any positive direction...it's like they are frozen or enjoy being the "victim"...I know I don't want to be like that!
I, too have to struggle with how to rebuild my life and make a new normal for myself. It is not going to be easy. have you thought about adding value to your life by doing something like taking a class, joining a club, or volunteering? Maybe you'd enjoy something like Big Brothers/Big Sisters since you enjoy your kids and being around them.
Hugs to you!!