I just joined and read your post. I feel for you and I can relate. I was married to someone for 15 years and I learned a year and a half ago, he was having an affair with someone from his past. It's been 1.5 years and my heart still breaks thinking how much I loved and gave someone and how little he thought of me. How he just gave us up... I've tried so hard to wrap my head around this and I just can't. I wish I could tell you it gets better but I'm still looking for that reassurance and confirmation that I deserve so much more. The thought of him with this other person paralyzes me and I can't seem to grasp why... I'm sure I sound sad, Everyone tells me how crazy I am for still harboring feelings but it still hurts. I am the one who filed for divorce shortly after and now that things are rolling, I've reached a low. Divorce is so permanent and coupled with that, he just surrendered and didn't fight for us. That's what hurts the most. I am someone who loves life and I know somewhere when the time is right, I will meet someone who will look at me and feel lucky they have a loyal woman who will give her 150 percent. So what am I getting to....it takes time, when I was 9 mos in I wanted peace but remember we go through these things to refine us. Refining gold is a process but look at the results... strong and priceless!! Keep praying and looking up and clarity and peace will come.

Hi,

I'm going through similar feelings. My partner left me 4 months ago, and it's been very difficult. I was with my partner for 5 years. Detachment is, for me, the hardest. I feel constantly reminded of him. I wish you didn't have to feel this way, and I wish I could give you some great advice. But hey, I'm around if you want to talk. Eventually this will get easier for us. Take care.

Harley

I really understand your situation. Been there. Still there sort of. I guess the most powerful healing power you have right now is that you don't want to feel this pain anymore or stay stuck in this mess. Getting over the pain takes time. When it happened to me, I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to be by myself anymore. I didn't think there was anyway for me to be without her. Take baby steps. Commit to yourself one day at a time that you will live today totally dependent on yourself. Do something different, one thing, that is just for you to make you feel special, because you are special and deserving to be happy and free from hurt. It took a very long time for me to get past a point where I was walking alone and could stand by myself. Your strength will slowly grow and you will feel good again. I also did a lot of writing here and in a journal. I had to write letters to her that she would never read and say the things that made me love her and what was mean or uncaring that she did. After all these years, about 7 or 8, I still think about her, because she was the partner I wanted in my life. But I know I am walking my own road. Don't look back. Commit to yourself every day when you open your eyes that today is for you. And every time you think about him, do something as quickly as you can to change your focus. It's not a distraction. I honestly know you will get past this. My heart goes out to you and I wish you all the best and strength.

Many of us can take peace and solace in your advice. Thank you.

I understand exactly how your feeling, I am also going through that same roller coaster of emotions. One day I feel ok, then I see him or talk to him and I lose it, not because I hate him, but just because I'm filled with all this hurt, sadness, pain, still not understanding why or how this happened, and your right about not wanting a quick or temporary fix. I have decided to join a divorce support group that meets in person once a week, for 10 weeks that works on the psycho-therapy part of separation and divorce, I also journal everyday, sometimes several times a day, and I joined this group to also have a place to talk about what's going on with me to people who don't know us.
I do feel your pain, believe me, and what I'm trying to do to get through each day is when the negative thoughts, feelings, insecurities start to come in and take over, I am trying to think about all the positive things in my life so that maybe eventually I can take back control of not just my life but my heart.

You can not dwell on him giving you up and didn't value you. Its hard but you need to value yourself. Only then will the pain lesson. Push yourself to do the things that make you happy. Right now your happiness and what you do is important now. Try not to detach from everything but try to detach from him.

Nobody wants to feel the pain, heartache , the anger. It is all part of the healing process. I am learning these things. Take time to enjoy things you enjoy, that make you happy. Read a good book, watch a movie, long hike...what ever you enjoy. These are baby steps in the right direction. Keep working and stay healthy. Stay strong. You'll make it. -HUGS-

Thank you all for your comments. Every day is a struggle and I am doing my best to stay focused on me and the betterment of my life with my family and those I care about. This circumstance was a blow to my spirit. It's the best way I can explain it. So, where I do all the "right" things to manage where I am right now, it doesn't change the fact that I am not, nor will I ever be, the same. There's a piece of me that will always carry this with me and I have had to come to the realization of that. There really is no getting over it, you just learn to live "around" it. All I can do it to continue to pray, seek God, and move forward in handling my responsibilities. I don't know what my life has in store for me. What I do know is that life itself does not stop because we are in crisis or whatever. I wish there was a way to just erase this from me but that's not happening so, it is what it is.

It's now July. How are you holding up since your wrote this post? In February I was still with my wife. As of last month, she took the kids and has not been back. I'm now dealing with a divorce that is crushing me emotionally and financially. And up until last Thursday I had not seen my kids in 5 weeks. This is all new to me and I'm praying for healing and direction. I joined this group yesterday and had no idea so many people are out in the world every day hurting from broken marriages. I pray for God's hand of love and angels to move on all our hearts to comfort us and nurture us during this loss. It truly feels like a death. I've personally never experienced so much sadness or emotion in all my life. Sending out love to all our broken hearts.

Jules, I recently posted about how I'm still struggling. It's so sad that I am, but it's my reality right now. I'm sorry to hear about your situation and I really hope that things work out for you. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure, and I've had my share of struggles in my life. I will continue to pray and hold on to God because he will be the only one that can do anything for me here. But having a place like this shows me that what I am feeling is very real. It's just sad that we have to go through this. God help us!

@thiscantbeit - This is a God thing. You weren't supposed to be with this person. He uses these bad, evil, hurtful things to make us grow, learn, live. He doesn't cause the bad things to happen, but he uses them; to allow you to spread His love and His kingdom in this hurtful world we live in. So, learn. Grow. Write a list of all of the negative things about your ex. Then write a list about all of the negative things about the relationship. Then spend some time really thinking about what that relationship was like. And then, realize the kind of relationship God wants you to be in with someone. Someone who actually deserves you, someone who will love you exactly the way you loved your ex. Because that is the kind of love you deserve. Does that make sense? You deserve someone who loves you with all of their heart - you deserve someone who loves you the way that you loved your ex. Its time to be done with this. Its time to move on, to love life again, to enjoy the path that God has set for you to happy and find true love - so go out there and live it.