Breakups & Divorce Support Group
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OK here's a question I have..Although my STBX is not my daughter's real father, he has been her father since she was 6 months old. Her real father tried to take my life and kidnapped her and me back when she was only a few months old. He is serving 16 years in prison for that crime. Therefore, my STBX is the only father she has ever known and calls him dad.
He loves her so much - no one would ever know he wasn't her real father - He spoiled her from the time she was a baby, even coaching her softball team for 2 years in a row. Now she is almost 10 and she doesn't quite understand what is going on with him and I don't really bring it up because I don't know what to say. He hasn't called her in 2 weeks..I don't want to call him for any reason whatsoever, even if it's to ask him what his intentions are when it comes to her. I don't really know what to do..?
He loves her so much - no one would ever know he wasn't her real father - He spoiled her from the time she was a baby, even coaching her softball team for 2 years in a row. Now she is almost 10 and she doesn't quite understand what is going on with him and I don't really bring it up because I don't know what to say. He hasn't called her in 2 weeks..I don't want to call him for any reason whatsoever, even if it's to ask him what his intentions are when it comes to her. I don't really know what to do..?
deleted_user
wow, thats a tough one. It sounds to me like she is as much her dad as if he really were. I guess for her sake it might be good if he kept up a relationship with her, but you cannot force him to do that. If he cares about her like a daughter he will probably want a relationship with her, at the same time he might feel weird about it since he is not her biological dad. Not sure what to tell you. I hope it all works out for the best.
deleted_user
That poor girl is on her way to becoming an out of control teenager. The guy needs to realize what may happen by just dropping the relationship. You need to suck it up and call him, for your daughters sake.
JenDavidson
A part of me just wants her to forget about him. Look at what kind of person he is. He knows he is hurting her right now and he doesn't even care. I hate to know that she is upset about it, but we don't ever talk about it. I know I am doing the wrong thing by just ignoring the fact that he hasn't called her, but I feel like it will bring pain either way. I guess I am just waiting for her to tell me she wants to talk to him or for him to call her..I don't know.
deleted_user
My husband is my son's father and he is becoming just as neglectful. You are not alone in this even if he isn't her real father, he is still daddy. I suggest being completely honest, that has worked wonders on my eleven year old son. I basically told him this "I can not control what daddy does or doesn't do. I just don't think we should waste our time and happiness trying to control another person, it isn't possible. I know it hurts you, it hurts me too... however I don't want us to wait around and spend our lives in sadness. I would much rather be happy, wouldn't you? I would much rather have fun, wouldn't you? I would much rather smile and laugh, wouldn't you? We can not control other people, so why waste our energy trying? We can only control ourselves, so we can control the life we want to live. You can talk to me about anything and I will always help you. Just come to me whenever you are sad, have a question, a concern, or if you just need to complain or talk. I will never interfere with you and your daddies relationship (pinky swear, lol) and I won't make it hard by being mean or mad... however, please understand that I can not control what daddy does and when you start to wonder, just ask yourself... can I control the way another person behaves? Take comfort in that and smile, knowing that you don't have the pressure to change people, just look to God and do not let anyone steal your joy, your happiness..."
deleted_user
A Daddy is so much more than a biological donor. I know in time your STBX will come around, b/c he knows in his heart that she is his little girl ! You cannot raise a child for nearl 10 yrs as your own and then turn off feelings. He is not required by law to paw support for her, but he still needs to b a part of her as he already has been for all of her childhood thus far. Pray about it, I am sure that he will come around, don't push him, it is eating at him, and he will come back to her.
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