Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ShariB 09/16/2007

I want a healthy relationship. I want my best friend back. I want to see him smile at me again. I want to make him laugh. I want to be close to him and smell his skin. I don't know how to make things right. I have been incredibly selfish. I have been so wrapped up in my own head that his fears and verbalized concerns didn't matter to me. I ignored his tears and when he would get angry and become justifiably upset - I played victim. I didn't internalize how scary an eating disorder must be for someone watching the horror movie play out right in front of them over and over again for years. How awful I was! I just expected that he would sit around and watch me die and be what? Happy about that? Willing to ignore it?

I left him with no other option than to do exactly what he did.

Is there ANYTHING I can do at this point to start rebuilding the bridge?

deleted_user 09/16/2007

You have to realize that an eating disorder masks some pretty heavy duty things. You need to find out what those things are. You are eating to fill some inner need or to not feel some inner need. Don't blame yourself for his actions. You need to become strong for yourself. His love should be unconditional and hopefully he will see that what you were going through was because of pain not him.

ShariB 09/16/2007

I guess I should have specified that I have anorexia, but it probably doesn't matter too much WHICH eating disorder I have..as they all suck the same, lol.

deleted_user 09/16/2007

You could try telling him this. If, and only if, his leaving was an attempted wake up call to you, then he might be willing to give it a second chance now that you've realized this. But he will have a list of demands for you, and you will both need to attend counseling for it to rebuild. Good Luck

deleted_user 09/16/2007

IDK maybe get yourself help and make him an active part in your recovery. But get yourself better first

ShariB 09/16/2007

I've got nothing to lose right? I will tell him snurk. I'm sure you're right, he will have a list of demands if he agrees to try again and rightfully so.
I have had help before and I was in recovery for several years. It's really only been the last three or four years that I've completely jumped off of the wagon.
I could sense that he was close to leaving for several weeks before he actually did, and I took "desperation steps" at that time. I went to a few meetings, made Drs. appointments, tried to follow a food plan, looked into throwing my own ass back into treatment, etc. He knew it was, indeed, "desperation" on my part and kept right on walking.
I will find a way to talk to him today and see if there is any hope whatsoever. I guess I must just accept whatever his decision is and take it from there.

deleted_user 09/16/2007

During this...be honest to him and yourself.

He's probably missing the honesty the most...

ShariB 09/16/2007

I will be honest. I know that trust (or the lack of it) is a huge factor playing into this. I have told him too many times that I will do one thing and showed him otherwise with my actions. I hope its not too late. His cell phone is out of service for now as he is on top of Mt Adams hunting. I'll keep trying until I can reach him. Like I keep saying - I have nothing to lose, right?

deleted_user 09/16/2007

That's right. And worse case scenario you're in the exact same spot you're in now.

I would suggest sitting down and organizing your thoughts so you can talk cool, calm, collected instead of irrational and desperate.

deleted_user 09/16/2007

It sounds like you pushed him away and he didn't feel needed. I know and understand what you are going through. I would suggest you tell him how you feel and take necessary steps to get yourself some help. I'd also look into marriage counseling.

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