Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I'm still shaking here. He just left, after having been over to pick up more of his stuff.
When everything was ready he came over to where I was sitting on the couch and hugged me which made me start crying and shaking. So he dropped down to his knees and hugged me harder.
And I couldn't stop myself from speaking. I didn't yell, but I was sad and angry so I was intense and emotional in tone.
"I don't know how to turn it off. I don't know how to stop loving you. You will never know just how... hard this is. It would have been been so much easier with my best friend but you took him too. You took...everything."
"I'm sorry."
"It would have been easier if you hadn't gone straight to her literally minutes after breaking my heart. That was so... disrespectful and selfish and self-centered and hateful and hurtful."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Neither of you gave a goddamn about anyone other than yourselves om all of this.You didn't care who you hurt as long as you got what you wanted."
"I'm sorry. I'm not good at this. I don't know what to do to make it easier." "I have to go."
"I know. I...don't mean to hurt you but I hurt so much I can't help it."
"I know. It's all right. I'm sorry."
---
*breathes deeply* Okay. I needed to get that out in writing and out of my head so it would stop replaying over and over.
I feel...calmer now. It felt really good to tell him all of that. I guess I just decided to start speaking up and to stop being "the backlash of somebody's lack of love". (Yes, charliegirl, I've been listening to your song a LOT...Brave by Sara Bareilles for anyone that missed the thread on Songs for the Future.) And I guess it was nice hearing the "I'm sorry" refrain, though it doesn't really change anything other than I felt like I stood up for myself instead of trying to make it okay for him. It was just more confrontational than I've been in my life. :/
When everything was ready he came over to where I was sitting on the couch and hugged me which made me start crying and shaking. So he dropped down to his knees and hugged me harder.
And I couldn't stop myself from speaking. I didn't yell, but I was sad and angry so I was intense and emotional in tone.
"I don't know how to turn it off. I don't know how to stop loving you. You will never know just how... hard this is. It would have been been so much easier with my best friend but you took him too. You took...everything."
"I'm sorry."
"It would have been easier if you hadn't gone straight to her literally minutes after breaking my heart. That was so... disrespectful and selfish and self-centered and hateful and hurtful."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"Neither of you gave a goddamn about anyone other than yourselves om all of this.You didn't care who you hurt as long as you got what you wanted."
"I'm sorry. I'm not good at this. I don't know what to do to make it easier." "I have to go."
"I know. I...don't mean to hurt you but I hurt so much I can't help it."
"I know. It's all right. I'm sorry."
---
*breathes deeply* Okay. I needed to get that out in writing and out of my head so it would stop replaying over and over.
I feel...calmer now. It felt really good to tell him all of that. I guess I just decided to start speaking up and to stop being "the backlash of somebody's lack of love". (Yes, charliegirl, I've been listening to your song a LOT...Brave by Sara Bareilles for anyone that missed the thread on Songs for the Future.) And I guess it was nice hearing the "I'm sorry" refrain, though it doesn't really change anything other than I felt like I stood up for myself instead of trying to make it okay for him. It was just more confrontational than I've been in my life. :/
GOOD for you, I'm glad you got that out.
You do know, what comes around goes around or Karma, whatever you want to call it. It will get him, it never fails, but by that time you will have found yourself in a happy place.
Right now, just concentrate on you. Self care, do things you like to do, no matter what it is. It can be as simple as going for a walk, reading a good book, watching a movie, going shopping, anything you enjoy, to put the focus back on you.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
Good for you. It NEEDED to be said. And he just ran off? I have to go?! Sorry, that makes ME upset. I guess I see a lot of similarities in my situation. What a cop out..he can't stay and comfort you a little while or at least talk? Kind of a coward.
Sorry for the negatives but your post touched a nerve I guess.
I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know what you're feeling. It's amazing how many of the stories here follow the exact same script.
That is a tough day. Way to go for standing up for yourself and getting all this out.
My ex used to ask if she could hug me. wth? This was while she was clearly dating the om. I used to break down and sob that she had no idea what she was doing to me. Yea. Those were hard days but the days do get better.
Take care of you and go do something nice for yourself. Hugs again just because.
KAW...it is amazing how many stories could be carbon copies.
I felt a bit subversive but I had the Songs for the Future playlist going while he was there. I suppose it might have been part of the catalyst for 'speaking up'. ;)
GreggG, no worries about being negative. You're so positive so much of the time everywhere else that it was almost a relief to see that you can be negative too once in awhile. And honestly, your indignant reaction to his behavior made me smile and feel better. Given that he did the same thing when he dropped the bomb on me and just ran out minutes later while I was still screaming hysterically...yeah, his actions yesterday weren't exactly a surprise.
I did do something for myself...I asked for (and got) October 2nd off from work. That would have been our 9th anniversary (I guess legally it still is :/ ) and I just couldn't bear the idea of seeing them on that day. So I have plans to hang out with some friends instead.