My ex wife did this and the truth came out she was having an affair, when they detach like she's doing you can be sure someone else has caught her eye. I would ask her point blank if she wants to fix what you have or move on so you don't waste time and resources with someone who is planning an escape.

I would see a therapist to help guide and steer
You and help you cope. Many go to divorce care
.org its a great group it helps with the grieving
Process. Let yourself grieve your losses.

Sounds like a checked out spouse, once my ex
Decided that route it got progressively worse in
The last 13 years. So dont expect improvement
Once their mind is made up. Most of them want
a nice soft landing before they leave. My ex had
His GF all lined up and ready. HUGS

She said she can't say there's a chance and/but don't push it. Let it flow naturally. She also said that if I am going to ask her right now about what she's feeling... she would say she's not feeling anything. I believe that we have a better chance of reconciling if that friend that she has doesnt offer her house to her 24/7 and is not available to her 24/7. The last time we went out (last saturday) i felt it like it went ok and there was progress because she was finally looking at me when i was talking to her and she intentionally left her phone in the car (i assume so that we can talk without distrations. she knows that I always turn my phone off now when Im with her). But, I screwed up the second night she was home because I gave in to my annoyance of her texting again and not engaging to talk. It was a huge setback after a slight improvement when we went out the last time. What do I do from here? I do not want to lose her and I can believe that she felt contrained in our relationship prior because it only pretty much revolved around the two of us. How can I win her back? What can I do? What should I do? Im afraid to give her too much space where I dont text or talk or hangout with her because she instead forget about being with me than missing me. Help!

Get into therapy ASAP. HUGS

Did I read it correctly that you did not tell your family that you were married? If so, I really can't blame her for "checking out" because it sounds like you never checked in. I am in the process of divorcing a man who sounds an awful lot like her description of you ... controlling and neglectful. Let me tell you, it's HELL. I don't know how long you have been married, but I've been married for 23 fun filled years. For the first 15 or so years, I tried so hard to be a good wife, but nothing I did was ever good enough. He criticized, insulted and threatened me so much that I became a nervous wreck. I was afraid to do anything, even the smallest things. Whatever I was doing, I was 1) doing it wrong and 2) should be doing something else instead of "wasting" my time on ________. In the past five years, I did emotionally check out. I had to in order to save my sanity. My version of "emotionally checking out" though was to treat him the way he treated me and boy, he didn't like it one single bit! By then though, I didn't care anymore. He had destroyed all the love I ever felt for him.

I am not trying to make you feel worse. I am just trying to give you some insight into where she might be right now. The only thing I can suggest for you is counseling for yourself, not marriage counseling. That may not even bring her back. I know I wouldn't feel like I could ever emotionally trust my stbx again even if he got counseling. I would just figure it was another manipulation.

I am sorry to hear about the struggle. I've checked out of relationships and been checked out on. Also I know well the challenge of dealing with family. I wish I had known more about relationships before I got married and tried to start a family. It was never that I didn't love her... It's just that I was dealing with A LOT and didn't really understand myself, her, and a wide range of things.

I got myself into therapy and started learning about being a better dad, communication, the works. Also, what I am learning now, is that I can't fix everyone's problems, and I can't fix my stbx.

I am learning how to take care of myself, which is something I never ever did. It hurts to lose a marriage, and it hurts to make mistakes in a relationship. I'm never one to give advice because I have too much to learn myself. Can only speak from my experience... But I get where you're coming from.

Sometimes I was controlling and neglecting, mainly because I had 5-alarm fires going off inside me and all around. Ever since I started setting boundaries and getting healthier, it's been a slow process. Also, sometimes doing that makes people more upset. But I do think deep down inside we all have a voice that knows the right way to go. I am learning to listen to it.

I wish you the best on the road ahead.

J.P.