Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Sometimes you just have to learn on your own

fireserpent
fireserpent
Thank you to everyone who had listened to me rambling on lately. I was determined to be patient and not give up on my guy. In the mean time my dad was pushing me to go to the doctor. I am 38 but I still kind of listen to my dad sometimes. Always was daddy girl. See I have OCD just like my brothers and mom and I hated the medicine and been off of it a year. As long as I do not get over stressed it was not a problem for me. Dad kept telling me this obsession had nothing to do with the guy and everything to do with the OCD please try it his way. Said this guy I was dating is not like the men I usually go for. SOOOOO I went back to the doctor they put me back on meds want me to go to light counseling. I have been on the meds for a week and I hate with all my heart to say this but maybe possibly I was seeing things a little cloudy. I don't think about him every waking moment I no longer am seeing things as I want to see them but as I think now they really are. Still hated the idea that my views got so screwed up from this so did not want to admit it. Tonight hit it home for me. I was browsing on a dating sight and there was his profile. It says he was actually online to chat so it was not an old one. Now this is the guy that said he does not want a relationship. So I clicked on his profile to read it. Surprisingly I was not upset like I thought I should be but it was kind of funny. First thing I noticed was his picture. It was 4 1/2 years ago. Seriously does he really think if someone met him in person they would not notice there is a HUGE difference between now and then, Next thing I noticed was it said a few extra pounds. Yes maybe 4 and 1/2 years ago. He has gained at least 100lbs since then if not more. He has gained so much he sometimes has trouble with steps. Next thing I noticed was in what your looking for it said marriage long term etcc.... I feel bad for his next victim I truly do but it will not be me. What the hell was I thinking. Doesn't matter now. I have no regrets and I can say I am ready to move on.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Keep that attitude fire....clearly he's trying to move forward but yet maybe keep a hold in you just in case. I've been there and finally put my foot down. We deserve so much better than someone's consolation prize....hugs and stand your ground....I'm right there wit you!!!
gem111
gem111
WOW, fire,
You sound so different. I think it is a good different. I guess this is a lesson that you (and everybody) need to listed to their Dad's once in awhile.
You do sound like you are ready to move on.
Congratulations and keep up the good work!!!!

((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Those are fantastic steps and I'm so proud of you.

Your next steps are to NOT look at his dating profile.
fireserpent
fireserpent
That particular dating sight he was on does not have great reviews so I just wont be back to it. I figure that would be the best way so I don't run into his profile. It wasn't even that he was on the dating sight that got to me. I mean we were not together and I was on there browsing to. It was seeing that he used a picture almost 5 years old from when he looked decent. You would never guess he was the same guy now. It was seeing the things he wrote which sounded pretty but I knew not to be true. I have no doubt in my mind he does not want a relationship with anyone. I also believe he will tell the next girl he does or elude to it without actually saying it. When I think of him now there is no more happy thoughts. Not sadness either. I get this real sick feeling in my stomach and get anxious. You know that feeling you get when someone runs there fingernails along a chalk board. That is kind of how I feel when I think about him. I suspect now that I was used. He did it to the girl before me but I figured I was different because he said she had issues. When things got to real he moved on and he will do it to someone else and that also makes me sick that I cannot do anything about it. I don't really like feeling like this either. Ill be happy when the day comes and if I think about him and there is no feelings at all.
deleted_user
deleted_user
fireserpent, I too, am waiting for indifference. I was used. I thought "It will be different with me because the other guys were assholes and didn't appreciate her the way I do." Now I see the pattern and am coming to the realization that it doesn't matter to these kinds of people who the next victim is just so long as they have a "new" victim. I'm glad to hear that you are coming out of the fog. Better things ahead.
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