Once I read that a break up change you forever and it really does.

My break ups changed me a lot. There is always good and bad things about break up. I grew a lot after all of them and that is good but it took a tool on my self-esteem.

But there are always good things for sure.

This is a great post and a great way to look at your situation. I believe everything happens for a reason and everything in life is a lesson. This is no different. I think the good that is coming out of my situation is I am learning to be an independent person. I because so independent on my STBX in a very unhealthy way. I completely lost myself in depression, anxiety and apparently(newly diagnosed) Attention deficit disorder. Even though I am completely heart broken I would have realized what an unhealthy state I was in if this did not happen. So although I am left to pick up the pieces of this tragedy, I am hoping to put all the pieces back together even better than before and truly heal my soul.

My eldest sister keep asking me what have we learnt from this and more so what did I learn? I learnt that I was stupid not to have left him 19 years ago, I learnt that I should've told my family rather than now that my parents have passed on. Things would've been so different. But that's hindsight. But I am still cross with myself for knowing that this character was everything described in the 'let go category', I stayed. I used to think mathematically and say he is 99% good and 1% bad but lo and behold that 1% was enormous like an ocean that gets a tsunami once a lifetime. Maybe it is a little bit my ego as really I wanted to let go and he did it. And that too is stupid. I should now say thank goodness it's done. I've learnt through egobattering, humility and don't try to fight your battles on your own. There is help out there. And even though families can be a pain and say things you don't want to hear at the end their support means something. As for something good to come from this, I look forward to it and better days !

I think it takes a lot to finally realize that sometimes you have to go through something bad to find the good. Its really hard while you are completely heartbroken.

I have finally stepped back to realize as sad as I have been and still get sometimes, this breakup may needed to happen for both me and my ex.

I have found that life does not revolve around having a partner. You can actually survive by yourself. You can begin to like yourself without the need of someone else doing that. It does get lonely, I miss having him around, but I am surviving. I have never been single my entire adult life. Nor has he. Maybe we needed this to find ourselves. Im finding out things about myself that i really never thought about before. Its definitely a learning experience.

Something bigger and better and beyond my wildest expectations will happen to me in my future. This was just a setback. :)

This is my first real break up and like sadnlonly I was with her since 18. 20 years later she's done, it will be a huge adjustment but the good thing is I know I'll be better off without her....

Sorenomore, I have been feeling that same way. There were so many times during the 14 years together I felt like I SHOULD leave. He was never truly the person I needed him to be. I feel like he would "fake it" whenever I would try to put effort in to improve our relationship. So yea sometimes I wonder "why am I so upset her left? Is it because I didn't leave him first???" who knows. Either way to just walk out of a marriage without once saying your unhappy is fucked up. and thats what he did