Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
As a background to my story, my BF suddenly walked out on me almost a month ago. No word, no good-bye, nothing. This left me very hurt and in a confused state. I found this site when I needed the support most. So thanks to everyone here with their comforting words.
So, in the last 2 days, I've had communications with his sister who was very concerned about his "disappearance" because he was not communicating to him either. Out of concern, I emailed him (no texts, not phone calls because he likely would not have picked up the phone if he was not ready). He eventually responded yesterday, said he was OK, he gave some flimsy excuse that his computer had broken down and had to get fixed, then admitted that he did not want to have contact with anyone for a month because he wanted to think things over, etc. He said it as if I did not matter in the scheme of things in his world.
Thankfully, after having gone through the pain of rejection (him walking out just like that can only be described as rejection!), that news did not surprise me, nor shock me, nor inflicted pain on me. I was half-way to healing. He still sounded caring and as if nothing happened, as if he did not do anything at all! We still have to talk to sort out our "conjugal" properties, but he's gone underground again, and frankly this is getting monotonous.
So what now? yesterday I thought that maybe we could start again. But found myself not thrilled of the thought at all. It's just not the same. I think that when people we love hurt us, there is something inside us that feels "incomplete" after the hurt.
So for those who are still pining for your lost love, I am telling you guys and gals, it is just not the same anymore. Especially if he/she returns just when you are getting over him/her. It just ain't the same.
So, in the last 2 days, I've had communications with his sister who was very concerned about his "disappearance" because he was not communicating to him either. Out of concern, I emailed him (no texts, not phone calls because he likely would not have picked up the phone if he was not ready). He eventually responded yesterday, said he was OK, he gave some flimsy excuse that his computer had broken down and had to get fixed, then admitted that he did not want to have contact with anyone for a month because he wanted to think things over, etc. He said it as if I did not matter in the scheme of things in his world.
Thankfully, after having gone through the pain of rejection (him walking out just like that can only be described as rejection!), that news did not surprise me, nor shock me, nor inflicted pain on me. I was half-way to healing. He still sounded caring and as if nothing happened, as if he did not do anything at all! We still have to talk to sort out our "conjugal" properties, but he's gone underground again, and frankly this is getting monotonous.
So what now? yesterday I thought that maybe we could start again. But found myself not thrilled of the thought at all. It's just not the same. I think that when people we love hurt us, there is something inside us that feels "incomplete" after the hurt.
So for those who are still pining for your lost love, I am telling you guys and gals, it is just not the same anymore. Especially if he/she returns just when you are getting over him/her. It just ain't the same.
Don't allow others to get you to break your no contact.
So I am moving on. I will continue to come back here to give encouragement to others who are struggling to survive, like I did when I first came here. Thanks to all my friends here. Keep going with your healing. It will happen, and soon.
But you cut ties by not contacting him in any way, even for his relatives.
I agree with Cheryt--let this one go because there are so many good men out there.
What your boyfriend did was really selfish, sometimes people get lost and do selfish things. I guess we shouldn't want to be with people who abandon us in order for them to find what it is they are looking for.
Still...I wish I could be as strong as you right now.
Good luck Tessa, and thanks for your encouraging messages xoxo
Yes of course, I pined for him in the early days, confused, wailed and even screamed halfway to going home after I finished night shift. But that is all in the past for me now. Of course I still think of the days when he was all mine. But I have to re-orient myself to the reality that he is not interested anymore.
It is irrelevant if there is a 3rd party of not, because even if there isn't (and I'm sure this is the case), he just don't want me. And since there's nothing I can do about it, I will keep going. I also hope you will heal soon Mark. Try and be strong and love yourself first and foremost.
I always say the best way to get over someone is to begin loving yourself again. Your whole perspective changes and you will no longer put up with bullshit that people try to force feed you.
"It is irrelevant if there is a 3rd party of not, because even if there isn't (and I'm sure this is the case), he just don't want me."
That is one of the most true and honest statements I have heard from someone grieving a lost relationship. You are well on your way to being happy on your own.
Continue loving yourself! Continue no contact. You are doing great and you already know you deserve better.
Good luck and Hugs!
I actually think that we fall for someone because that someone put on a mask, maybe a mask that fitted in with what you wanted in a man/woman so you'd fall in love with them. In my case, it was his caring ways (very thoughtful and sweet) and being so funny and a very good listener. You take all those qualities and what do you have? Just a shell, a body of a man. I think when our partners fall out of love with us, they take that mask that made us fall in love with them in the first place. Perhaps they are trying to be kind so we'd get over them quicker?
And thank you for the hugs Blueknight. I hope you will soon move on to the next level of healing.
That is what happened to me. I know that I am not the neglectful, distant, irritable, emotionless person that I became. I allowed that to happen by not keeping my faith.
In a way what I did was selfish but not in an intentionally selfish way. I was weak, content, and complacent. I took for granted for what I thought I had.....and in the process was losing everything I ever wanted to have.