I know you don't want to feel the way you do Mack, the body does what the body does and our emotions have no IQ :). I understand as I left a lier too and I sat on the fence and wanted to leave many times too, he did not make me stay, I did that with my own co-dependenancy that I was not conscious of. My own fears he played on too, boy they are good at it and otherwise, they would not survive in this world.
Many bright intelligent people get caught in this so don't blame yourself, celebrate you are rid of him and on to a healthy path. Be gentle on yourself. Often we crave what was normal to us even though it was toxic. You are healing this is part of it even as it sucks hugs

Thank you ladywiththedog,

I agree with everything you said. It is true. People fall In love and fall right back out every single day. It is up to us to be content and happy without relying on others to be our sole happiness because they can take a part of our soul with them when they go.

And it is about one day at a time and one step at a time. We can’t force ourselves to move on, we have to allow ourselves to grieve and move on each day. Time does heal, but it just feels like it takes forever sometimes.

You are so right runtobefree, it was very toxic. But so has much of my life been, so no wonder o got caught up in this mess. And even though I am hurting, I am glad to be free of his lying and manipulating me. Merry Christmas, hope it’s a good one for you..

I somewhat understand what you are going through. I am not divorced, but my bf of 12 years (was my best friend of 18 yrs) broke up with me for a younger (12 years younger-20 yr old) girl. This was back in August.

Lately I have been keeping myself crazy busy, to keep my mind off the pain. It worked to a degree... But you know what? My heart still hurts. Even after I realized I was not happy with him. Even after I realized I am honestly better without him, it hurts. I think all we can do is push forward. But remember you are not alone. You probably have family, friends and you have us, at daily strength to talk to and support you.

Try to keep your head up. I know the Holidays hurt. But you will find love one day. Whether it is with another guy, or just learning to love yourself more.

Thank you hope,

I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for your kind words.

I see things just as you do, even though I know/knew he was no good for me, my heart still hurts too. But like you, I push through because what else choice do I have?

I know that one day I won’t hurt as much, then I won’t hurt at all. But till I get there, it sucks.

I understand, Mack. I went through similar pains. Actually I was a literal wreck the first couple of months. I wish I could say more to make it disappear. Honestly, that's how I felt and still feel. I want all feelings, anger, thoughts, and sadness in regards to him to just disappear. So I honestly wish I could do that for you.

The only advice I can think to give, is not think of it as loneliness, try to think of it as time for self reflection and finding yourself. I realized after a long time, a lot of my decisions and actions were things He liked, and made HIM happy.

If you feel better, try sitting down after the holidays and maybe make a list of things you wished you did more of. Mine was exercise more and help people. So when I'm down and want to cry, I go to the gym or just exercise in my bedroom. I have also reached out to help others.

I want to say I don't feel lonely anymore, but that would be a lie. I do still feel it. Some days worse than others. But I do feel like I AM a better person than I was when I was with him. And that part, at least I can feel better about. I don't know if that will help. Everyone is different. But I do wish I could help you more...

Thank you hope, it does help me a lot. Just having someone who “gets it” helps.

Pain hurts, no matter what’s causing it. But it’s life and we have to go through it unfortunately. But having others know what it’s like makes me feel less alone, but I hate that others feel this pain too.

I have done a lot of thinking over the past few months, about how I lived my life for him. Not for me. And I have sat down and thought of all the strengths I have that I wasn’t paying attention to because I was so focused on my pain and love for him. So I made a promise to myself, a “New Years resolution” that this coming year I am going to focus on me. What I need, want and deserve. I guess it’s going to be kind of a selfish year. But I am going to take this coming year to fully try and find myself.

What I have done to realize, is I have to be happy for myself, I can’t wait for someone else to make me happy because once they leave they take the happiness with them. I wanna feel ok to be by myself. I want to learn what it is that I truly need. I think once I do that, I will start letting him go.

Merry Christmas hope, I hope you have a great one.

Thats thr spirit Mack. We need to find happiness for ourselves. It isn't selfish. It is emotional and mental health. :)

Merry Christmas. Feel free to message me if ever you backslides. I know I have my backsliding moments.

Sending you hugs and encouging thoughts and strength.

Wow. I am blown away. I swear to God I could've written what you wrote word for word. Were we with the same jerk? Lol.
I am going through the same exact feelings. I have been in so much pain I had no idea that others could be feeling the same thing. Thank you for sharing.

Also I am so sorry you are having to fight through the despair and anguish. You don't deserve it. I'll be praying for your healing.

Thank you lunapunk, and I too am sorry for your pain. I hate that we both are hurting. But at the same time, I’m glad someone gets it. It’s so hard healing from a relationship.

I am here if you ever need to talk to someone.