Live* not love...

I believe we are both in the same places with our breakups. I am six months out and it still hurts. I am honestly just waiting for the holiday to be over.

Someone else said that they never realized how many happy couples there were out there. When I went through my divorce I found myself walking through the store looking at people's hands to see if they had wedding rings. How depressing was that! I came to realize that even those that are married or in a relationship this very moment are not necessarily happy.

Here if you need a friend

I'm so sorry you are going through this. I honestly wish I could I say that I can't relate - but I can. And time and prayer do heal. They so. If I believed that in the beginning my journey would've been easier. It's not. I'm sorry.

The best advice is to try to focus on being rational. Don't give up on your brain's abilities. Find things to take your time. And remember to take care of yourself.

All the best.

Thank you both.

“Ifinallygetit “ I also am only 6 months in. Some days I feel so strong and full of clarity and other days I am so down and questioning everything about myself. This hurts so bad. I’m so tired of feeling like life is passing me by.

Newman- I can relate to that too, the looking to see if I can see wedding bands. I can’t even watch commercials with happy couples or families because it makes me feel so damn alone. I want so badly to be happy.

I am seeing a therapist and I am trying to help myself but I can’t seem to control my thoughts. I’m so irritable.

I have told myself that there is a new year coming very soon and I am going to focus 100% on my well being for that new year. I hope I can do it. I have a bad habit of talkin myself out of things.

Like there are days when I get am laying in bed and I’m sad and hurting and I tell myself “get up, go put some make up on and go for a drive” and by the time I get out of the shower and finish my make up, I’ve talked myself out of going for the drive and I’m back to wanting to just lay down again... this is so so draining and frustrating....

Love yourself first. When you love someone more than yourself things seem to always go their way.

Thank you Johnny, I keep telling myself that too.

Two years ago, my marriage was over. One year ago my divorce was final.
I've been telling myself "why can't I follow my brain and not my heart" I still hurt so bad. This is the first year I did not put up a Christmas tree....but I'm keeping the Christmas spirit for my grandchildren. One foot in front of the other....It will get better.

There is no time frame. One must just keep going.

But I'm sick of it too. I get to c ry and she gets to love and laugh with someone else. Sucks.

Seekinghappiness, I love your screen name, it too is exactly what I am seeking. I know though until I let him go, I won’t be able to find what I’m looking for. I’m sorry you are hurting too. It is so hard to celebrate the holidays. I too am pushing through it because I have a little girl. I know that everyone says time will help, it’s been 6 months and I thought I’d be a lot better by now, but I’m not. I mean, I am better than I was 5 months ago but I am not where I wish I’d be by this time... it’s so hard.

Weedpuller- believe me I know exactly how that feels too. It’s so hard to watch them go be happy and we are stuck suffering. It’s so not fair. And I agree, we have to keep going. We have to push through this and keep moving forward.

I think we need to stop romanticising this bonding function. We call it love. We worry that our hearts can't take it. We are emotionally invested in being emotionally invested.

It's a crock.

There was this guy in your life and you bonded to him. Now you're not with him those bonds have to break and reshuffle. Heart be buggered, this is all about comfort zones, being used to things, having set points and having to shift from them.

Which we have to do all our lives long as we change homes, jobs, lovers.

Don't romanticise romance. Become pragmatic about emotion. Guys come and go.

Oldie but a goodie. best played loud.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3a0z9ZcSwPQ

Good post, your right our brain knows better. What helps me is I think of some of the terrible manipulative things he did, then I don't miss him.. Perhaps make a list to read in vulnerable times

Yes runtobefree, I definitely think of all the horrible things he has done and it does help. But the problem is, the damage he did is already done. Unfortunately we are humans and not robots we can’t just turn it off.


I am not romanticizing him or my love for him, believe me. The only things I feel are what he did to me mentally and emotionally. I’m a human being not a robot. Unfortunately people can get inside your mind and do damage, this is what he did to me. But thanks for your comment.

I hear you Mack and your right. I think the grief is the relationship that we never had. That is what I grieve, the potential or the expectation that I had, I find that hard. The actual relationship for me I am okay with but I also had years of counselling while in it so that helps tremendously to process. Time is a great healing, all the best to you.

Thank you runtobefree... I think the hardest part of it all for me is, hat he broke every single promise he ever made. He knew my fears and worked to reassure me only to hurt me. Every time I wanted to walk away he would fight to keep me from leaving. And I’d stay every time. But his words and actions never matched and I got tired of the lies and I had to let go, and even though I know I did what I had to do, it hurts so much now. I miss his touch.

Believe me, I don’t want to feel the way I do. I truly truly don’t. I am in therapy and I am trying my hardest to let him go and recover.

Hi. I don't want to say I know exactly what you're going through because everyone's experience is unique. But i get how you're feeling. My ex boyfriend broke up with me recently and it's hard having to celebrate the holidays without him. I get you when you say it hurts, and that it's hard to let go. And that you want to control your mind so you won't have to keep thinking of this.

Sometimes what helps me is to remind myself that the people we love never really belonged to us in the first place. It was their decision to commit themselves to us so we shouldn't be very possessive of them.

I also try to just be really thankful for everything that happened. I try not to delve into so much the regrets I had in the relationship because I did what I could, and gave as much as I could.

I understand that you did what you had to do, and it was the right thing. And it's okay to miss him. And know that it's okay to feel all of these things you're feeling.

Maybe the best thing I can tell you is to take it one day at a time. You don't have to set a timeline of when to get over him. There's no deadline to rush. Take your time. Even if it's baby steps, it's still steps!


I wish you all the best. We can do this.