Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Anyone else wake up to your current partners ex. pounding on your door?? Apparently her car broke down on her way to work and we just happen to be in walking distance.
She thought my fiance could drive her to work - WRONG! They have a kid together but have been separated for over ten years, my fiance was married inbetween her and me and I heard one too many tales about her trying to get him back. It's been ten years!! So, I'm driving her to work and thinking, "this is how it is," when I say, I Do, next year, I am not just saying I Do to my fiance, I'm saying it to her too. Perhaps I should've realized sooner, I know, but it didn't dawn on me until she was seated next to me in my car, rambling on and on as though we were old girlfriends! Question: Where do we draw the line?
She thought my fiance could drive her to work - WRONG! They have a kid together but have been separated for over ten years, my fiance was married inbetween her and me and I heard one too many tales about her trying to get him back. It's been ten years!! So, I'm driving her to work and thinking, "this is how it is," when I say, I Do, next year, I am not just saying I Do to my fiance, I'm saying it to her too. Perhaps I should've realized sooner, I know, but it didn't dawn on me until she was seated next to me in my car, rambling on and on as though we were old girlfriends! Question: Where do we draw the line?
deleted_user
That is something that you and your fiance will have to sit down and talk about. This is VERY important that you iron this out before going forward. It's not good to have her constantly wedging herself into your lives. They will have to work out details with regard to their kid of course but that doesn't mean she needs to be part of YOUR daily life!
deleted_user
Oh, this is hard. I believe it's better to be friendly with the ex if there are kids but you certainly need to have boundaries. Oncebitten is right. You need to talk to your fiance and HE will need to set some definite boundaries with her. If he can't, you might want to seriously reconsider your upcoming marriage. This will be a BIG issue between you and one that is not likely to get better.
deleted_user
You do need to work this out with your fiancee but you also need to realize that she will be a part of your life in some way because of their child. My stbx had been married previously and, even though it was not on a regular basis, his first wife that he had two children with had to be a part of my life, too. But you need to negotiate the level of involvement up front with your fiancee as well as let him know that he needs to be completely open with you about any interactions he has with her. One thing that always let me know my stbx had no interest in his ex was that he always talked very openly and honestly about his conversations with her and any time spent with her.
deleted_user
Yes this is how it will be UNLESS your partner puts HIS FOOT DOWN...It has to come from HIM !! If he is unwilling to stop her bull%$#@, then you need to make it clear to him that you can not move foward until the past is RESOLVED.. My ex and his first ex drove me nuts. They even expected me to visit her for BBQ'S etc. INSANE !! She rambled to me too and then went right to my hubby with a very non true version of our lil talks. HE HAS TO DRAW THE LINE....
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