Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My wife has decided that we need to seperate. We were having problems but she told me we would find ways to work on them after the holidays. I went from hope to utter shock and hurt.
She says I am dependent on her for my life. She doesnt want to be that way anymore. She wants me to prove I can be on my own without her, then she will consider taking me back (I dont think she wants to even if i turn into superman).
We have been together 10 years and have 2 children.
The joke of it I even suggested that we may not be made for each other in the past. I even told her that I thought she was with me still cuss she was scared of failing at our marriage.
Now she is using those same words against me. Funny how you regret so many of the things you say.
I hurt so bad inside I can barely breathe. Im a grown man but I have been crying for the most part for 3 days straight.
She said that I can live in the spare room of our house so I can help with the kids and the chores. But she is gonna give me my own bills to pay, and she doesnt want me bugging her unless she invites me into interaction. She wants to go out and have fun and she even asked me how I felt about her dating. I was floored. How the hell do you respond to that?
I feel like I am living in a dream. Everything looks weird to me. I havent eaten or slept in 3 days. She is being nice to me, and talks to me. But no matter what I say, she wont budge.
I dont know what to do.
She says I am dependent on her for my life. She doesnt want to be that way anymore. She wants me to prove I can be on my own without her, then she will consider taking me back (I dont think she wants to even if i turn into superman).
We have been together 10 years and have 2 children.
The joke of it I even suggested that we may not be made for each other in the past. I even told her that I thought she was with me still cuss she was scared of failing at our marriage.
Now she is using those same words against me. Funny how you regret so many of the things you say.
I hurt so bad inside I can barely breathe. Im a grown man but I have been crying for the most part for 3 days straight.
She said that I can live in the spare room of our house so I can help with the kids and the chores. But she is gonna give me my own bills to pay, and she doesnt want me bugging her unless she invites me into interaction. She wants to go out and have fun and she even asked me how I felt about her dating. I was floored. How the hell do you respond to that?
I feel like I am living in a dream. Everything looks weird to me. I havent eaten or slept in 3 days. She is being nice to me, and talks to me. But no matter what I say, she wont budge.
I dont know what to do.
I read these posts and I can feel the pain, yet therte is nothing I can think of to say.
What is suprizing to me sometimes is that; I am so very happy to be removed from all this heartache. I get chills just thinking of where people are at in their marriages. It all seems so pointless when you stand on the outside of it all.
She sounds like a little hitler.
I had to lie about how much I drink to get in. Im not your typical alcoholic you see on TV. I dont drink every day, I dont need alcohol to get up and get going. I dont crave alcohol all the time. What I do do is over drink EVERY single time I drink. And I have impulse problems when I do.
Just to clear that up.
Now that being said, let me just say that although Alcohol surely has had a lot of effect on our marriage, its not everything that is broke.
I dont want to start giving people the wrong ideas about my wife so let me just say some things: Carrie is a great woman. She has been with me since she was 17, and she has gotten her Masters degree, and worked her way up to a Major position in one of the nations manufacturing companies in the world. Meanwhile she has been a great mother, and at least a decent wife, sticking with my many ups and down and supporting me as best she knew how.
In the 10 years we have been together I have tried school 3x, and not finished. Had 10+ jobs, none more than 2 years; and I have been skinny in the summer and fat every winter. I have gone through alcohol treatment, depression drugs, and cpap for sleeping problems.
I work hard and am motivated good father and at least decent husband most of the summer, but then in winter when my depression hits I am down and tough to deal with.
After 10 years of constant ups and downs and so far no end in sight, she is done "let me need her". Thats what she says anyways. She says she needs to be happy, and cant worry anymore about me being happy. I love her, and I dont want to loser her, and part of me thinks she is right.
I am carrying around a lot of guilt right now. Its very very heavy on me. I feel like she gave me 10 good years to fix myself of my problems, and I have failed to do so. All the time she was growing and moving up in her life, taking me with her.
It hurts so much to think about it. Its like ive awaken form a long sleep to find so many years gone by and im asking myself "my God what did you do?"
I wish my "im sorrys, I can do better, this time I will change" would work, just one more time. I would truly show her I can make myself into the man we both thought I would someday be.
But now my words mean nothing to her. And that is devastating to me.
So sorry its so long :(
I only hope that I have not hurt her so bad, that she could never feel enough inside for me again to stay with me. Right now she seems so broken, and so angry. She tells me still loves me, she says we are best friends. I dont know.
I still worry about her having another man either already in an active relationship with her, or waiting in the wings. I brought it up again last night after my best friend told me he thought I was being tuned into the "fallback guy". She admittedly denies that. But I still think about the fact she actually asked me about dating during our seperation. Does anyone really even want to date that soon to becoming seperated for your husband?? And how do you work out your anger and issues towards your husband when you are seeing other men?
She has backed off the dating thing now saying it was silly to bring up and isnt an "issue". But then last night she talked about moving out instead of me. She makes the big bucks, this is her house, its in her name! She has everything here! A huge closet of clothes and such. Why would she want to leave the house where her children sleep? Again first thing I thought was so she could have a guy over. I mean if I was down the road in an apartment, and she was here, well a neighbor might tell me about a strange car in the driveway. Or maybe I would stop buy at an odd time to find a book in the garage.
I may be being paranoid but of course in my shoes you think all these things.