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So he finally ...

ll47ll
ll47ll
emailed me. After 2 and a half weeks, he sent me an email, how r u doing? I waited around and finally replied after a week, not sure what to say. Basically I said sorry if I unloaded too much on you and good luck, hope you find happiness. He immediately replied and said he just got scared of all the serious conversations of marriage and kids again, and that he wanted to see me. I thought about it for a day and texted him the next night that I would call him the following night. He immediately called me and I told him I couldn't talk bc I just put my kids to bed and they weren't quite asleep. It may sound like an excuse, but it was the truth.

The next night, I called him as promised and after half an hour of small talk and no reference to what really needed to be discussed, I said good night even tho we had stayed up later most nights talking. He even asked why I was going to bed early at 10:15. I gave him some pretty lame excuses, but I wanted him to know I'm not interested in small talk when there is something that needs to be said.

Should I have been the one to bring it up? Why did he act so happy to hear from me now when before he didn't seem so much into me? I don't get it...


Lee
afanador
afanador
without knowing what has happened between the both of you..there is something to say about separating for a while and regrouping. Determine what you want, what you will put up with and what not, what are your goals and if those goals align with his. you don't have to talk seriously about everything inmediately, so little by little let it happen. But, don't settle for less than what you deserve.
hurtinandhealin2560
hurtinandhealin2560
Perhaps he's had some time away to get things in perspective, but I think you have to be straight up with him. If there is something on your mind, you need to tell him. If you want a more serious relationship with him, then he needs to know this.

I guess I'm confused. Did you both talk about getting married? I was under the impression that this was a relatively new relationship.
deleted_user
deleted_user
i'm probably the last one that should be giving advice on relationships. but, in the e-mail he told you he got scared about the talk of marriage and children. i think some men are reluctant to get into the talk of feelings etc. i also think that the way your handling it is fine. you set your own boundries. not being able to talk because the kids were awake, and you didn't really find the conversation stimulating so you ended the phone conversation saying you were going to bed. go slow, see where it goes. perhaps if things develop then you can bring more serious subjects up. good luck. xoxoxoxo
ll47ll
ll47ll
Regrouping is a good way to put it and I think it did me some good too.

I did find the conversation stimulating and didn't want to get off the phone, but I didn't want to continue as if everything can just go back to the way it was.

It is a relatively new relationship, but after 2 months, sex, religion, and politics was bound to come up. His answers were not exactly what I wanted to hear either, but I thought things can change, people change, anything can happen, anything is possible...


Lee
deleted_user
deleted_user
I dont think he is serious, that scared him, he stopped talking to you. Now, as he said that, you still hang out with him, you know exactly what he is after. If you continue this relationship straighten things out first, just like you want. It will be better for you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"The next night, I called him as promised and after half an hour of small talk and no reference to what really needed to be discussed, I said good night"

and

"I did find the conversation stimulating and didn't want to get off the phone, but I didn't want to continue as if everything can just go back to the way it was."


If you didn't want to do the small talk and wanted to discuss the bigger things, then tell him that. Him doing small talk and you doing small talk and getting upset about not discussing something else is pointless.

Nobody can read minds, you cant read his, he cant read yours. If you are going to communicate then communicate, do not assume things will just fall into place.

Best of luck