Long story short - my husband told me he wanted to move back to Alaska (from Seattle) in July. After his infidelity 4 years ago, at which I fought like crazy for our marriage, I decided to let him go. No more fight in me. After spending thousands to drive to AK, 4 days after being there he begged me to come home, stating his short comings, failings and promising me the moon. He even bought local concert tix for a band he knows I love and asked me on a date, wanted to renew our vows in Maui. He declared his undying love. I let him come home. 1 week after being here I found a text to a girl sent THE NIGHT BEFORE HE GOT HOME (he told me there was no one else) telling her he had made a huge mistake and hoped she would forgive him blah blah blah. I told him it was over and we launched the divorce. He is still here because I won't let him leave until the house is refinanced in my name so I can afford it and until the divorce papers giving me the house are signed. So for now I'm living with him, dealing with him "going to get smokes" aka going to call his girlfriend. Tonight he went to our "date" concert. I did not go because the gesture meant so much to me and the new reality hurt way to much to make a sad memory of it. So - to summarize - I'm devastated, heartbroken, still in love with a man who continues to tell me he loves me but is still leaving me = AGAIN. Why did he even come home the first time? I feel crippled and like a loser. I can't eat, can't sleep and am terrified as to whether I can handle this house on my own.