I am in same boat my friend.
Wife of ten years relationship of 14 years. She told me last year she needed to find herself....did that for about 6 months the. We were good again....all to have it hit me again in April. The day after her birthday.... we are sleeping in different rooms now. She couldn't decide whether or not to move out. Back and forth and back and forth. Finally I said I would sleep in spare to give her space. She has now gone on two more weekend trips where I have no idea where she is going....stuck in limbo and it's tough.
This group has helped me and there are some people on here that offer even more time if you need it. It's still hard no matter what but people are making it easier.
Let me know if you want to chat

Best of luck!!! We are here for you.

I don't know how old that your wife is, but I hear and see this all the time. We all get confused. We get tired. We think we need something different only to realize sometimes that we already had a diamond (the most precious and desired jewel.). It is not you, it is her. Get in a good counseling (I prefer Christian) one can be amazed what one can learn. Try not to worry, lay low for awhile, she is onfused----not you. Sometimes, all a couple needs is to learn to communicate their desires and needs to each other. Try not to become angry, this will only make matters worse. She may be suffering from depression.

Thank you for the support I'm not angry just wonder how she can pour heart out and then the next day say she's not happy she is bipolar and I feel it could be an episode but I'm also at my wits end im in love with her and don't want to lose her but after time and time of this I wonder if I should just let go other then that I worry about my kids and how they will take it and how to actually move forward being as she is all I've known for ten yrs I have no friends to even talk to plus with my job being gone long periods of time it's like being in a prison with my own thoughts ...as far as what you said about being back and forth I've been there many times I asked if we were getting divorced and her reply was our lease is up in nov we see how things go till then are these mind games do I need to cut ties and focus on me and my children or stick it out and hope she comes around to possibly do this again and she's 26 btw I was 20 and she was 16 when we started dating which can be part of the problems idk

I'm sorry for your current situation and feel as though I'm in a similar one. Been together 8 years married for not even a year yet. Everything was normal we just went on our honeymoon and he was being really nice to me, treating me well, we had a blast. Then a couple weeks later the day he is leaving for work, in the truck on the way to the airport he tells me he doesn't love me and doesn't want to be with me anymore. Then he leaves for 6 weeks. He has been home 2 shifts now since then and nothing has changed its just gotten worse. I find out he is having at least an emotional affair, that he tried to keep secret. He treated me very poorly and has said and done many hurtful things that I know this relationship can't come back from, it won't be the same ever. The confusing part is he just wants to be friends for now. As long as we don't act like a couple or get too close he is nice. He is a nice friend but this is such a head game I don't understand what he wants or is doing. If he wants to be with this other woman why not get a divorce like he says he wants when he's angry? Why is he stringing me along? He is still interested in me sexually as he makes moves sometimes. But that is all he wants, no other intimacy or no talking about us. Now he is gone on shift again for 7 weeks and I don't have a clue what to do with myself. I am a housewife and feel very lost and scared. I have no useful education and only recently got a part time job since this happened, but nothing to start my life over with. I still love him but I am in shock, angry, and completely devastated about my life right now. I just don't know why he won't pull the trigger on the divorce, other than he likes our Home and his stuff here, and the convenience of me taking care of Home issues, bills, etc. Plus he has stated that the courts are in a woman's favour and they will "pity me" and he will be forced to pay me alimony... so I feel he doesn't want to do that, so he will have his cake and eat it too in the meantime? Guess I will have to be the one to make the divorce happen if that's what I decide after I get my feelings and life sorted out.

You're going to get great advice here. The majority of people on here want to help, to fix things. Even for others. It's heart warming to know they're all out there!! I don't know why people just decide they're done and don't seem to want to attempt to fix things. I don't think people like us will ever understand people unlike us. You might never get answers in fact you most likely won't. You're going to be okay and so will the kids. Use this as a learning experience for them. Try your best to handle this with dignity because they're going to go through breakups in their future and you want to set the best example possible as to how they should handle it. Take care.

Thank you for your comment stephanie1977 it's really hard know what the future hold physically and financially I know I'll be fine emotionally that's gonna take time and I just trying to find a place to start makes it harder when I have to talk to her to talk to my children and she seems like she is as happy as can be idk one breath on step and one day at a time I suppose

Im sorry did you just write my life at the moment? My husband has cheated in the past. We have been together for 8 years, married for 3. Ive been 100 % there. I had issues with the cheating and i have spoken to him very honestly about how i felt. Now he left and said he cant stand the questioning! Im so sad and upset. Eveningsare the hardest for me, afte i put our daughter to bed. I dont know what to do. i want to continue working on our marriage. Marriage means something to me. If you ever want to talk I am definitely here for you. I too am glad when someone is there to listen.

i sent you a message - know you're never alone

So I am currently separated from husband but I picked up a book calles, Optimist guide to divorce...in it talks about it might be time to go when...1. Bad times outweigh the good, 2. Kids are exposed to a lot of conflict, 3. U have the same fight again and again. Why can she the one to take advantage of u and kids w/o caring how u and kids feel. I have found my kids to be resilient through this process..my husband is still in their life. I know it hurts like hell but I found that u need to do things for yourself..one thing everyday just for i...do you like sports? Eating a food u like, going and hanging w friends w/o kids...u need to find out how u can be w/o her...dont let her run the show or run over u

That took a lot of courage to share your heart to the room. It's heartbreaking for sure. As some of the others have mentioned or suggested is a good counseling and support group for yourself and maybe your children as well if they are old enough to realize what is going on. They too may have some tough feelings and emotions they may be trying to deal with. My prayer is your marriage will be restored and your family made whole.

I'm sorry for your situation. I have felt lost for a long time. I have hope it will get better.

I am sorry that happened to you. Focus on healing from the breakup and taking care of your children. They need you right now. Find a good support system because you need to not isolate yourself. In time, you will be fine.

Well I got some closure today. I talked to her and the divorce is a for sure thing. We talked about how things would go as far as kids and everything. I'm a little more heart broken because I know it's a for real deal now and not just gonna work things out like I had hoped. But at the same time relieved too it's like a weight I didn't know I had was lifted. Not really sure where to go from here. I'm focusing on the positive and my kids. And trying to find out who I am without her!

Well after this week has went by I find out that she has left me for another guy and she's been talking to him for a while! I feel kinda numb like it hurts but it doesn't is this normal?

This is such a devastating experience you are going through. Im sorry to read of your pain. I wish you much peace and strength through this event. We must all help each other to stand strong