If you really want to get back together with your wife, do not go visit this other woman. That would supply temporary pleasure but will only confuse you and will come back to haunt you as well. Of course it is tough but true love always prevails.

I am not even looking at other women as I am still holding out hope that my ex and I will be back together someday. It is VERY difficult but she is worth it. Stay strong and find other ways to enjoy yourself.

Yes, nothing says "I love you dearly and want nothing more than to reconcile with you" than hooking up with a lonely (read "horny") college friend.

Oh, I agree, but get the feeling she is already doing something on that end. The whole thing is just terribly unfair. And she just got mad at me for offering to help her do something. Why can't I ever win? Every freaking thing I do is wrong.

I am going through that stage right now and it is called "space". That is the most difficult thing by far for me, is the no contact and "I need space". I am learning though, that if she still cares and still loves me, that she is thinking about me and hurting just like me. It is still very difficult but I need to give her that space and time. I need to concentrate on myself and work on areas of my life that need the work and pray to God that it will work out...

Your wife is playing you like a Stradivarius, you should go have coffee with the other gal if nothing else for some companionship and a great ego boost. Let your Ex know you not waiting at home sitting on your hands, you too have plans..two can play at this BS and I'm not one to walk on eggshells anymore I did that for many months and it was a colossal waste of time. Maybe your ex sees you have a date it'll get her brain kicked into gear about the consequences of her actions.

Amen kbbcoop. But I wouldn't be doing it for that reason. It would be great if she saw the consequences, but it's more about me being able to move on if she has already done so. I am definitely torn though.

That's a tough situation as I think you need to tread carefully here. I too would be tempted but it would likely be best to limit contact with this other woman to coffee and conversation rather than a hook up or to try and make the stbx jealous. Also, if you have kids then this could really screw up your head where they are concerned. Don't get me wrong, I'd be incredibly tempted too but would try to do what is best for my remaining family rather than what is best for me alone.

You're right, but I feel like I'm the only one who is thinking of the family. Sometimes it sucks being the bigger person, but I know I have to do right by my kids, no matter what. Definitely tempting. She's always had a thing for me. Even 20 years back. I just never pursued.

I think this woman knows exactly what she is doing and she is taking advantage of your vulnerable position. She must want you no matter if it totally ruins your chance to get back with your wife. She is not thinking of you at all, and it seems to me she wants much more than a cup of coffee---inviting you to her house.
What you do is up to you, if you are really serious about getting back with your wife, I would put this woman totally out of your mind. If you want to start something with another woman because you are lonely or for revenge---maybe there is a reason for this break up.

I don't think you're wrong for feeling tempted. Being separated is a very lonely place to be. I'm going on week eight and I have not got use to a lonely bed. My stbx seems completely fine.

I agree be careful. You need a clear mind and conscience to get through this. Can't say I've followed this advise but I will say you'll feel like crap.

Such a lonely place to be. I feel like I'm on an island into myself, with no one in sight. Definitely tempted, and she just texted me again. Not making it easy on me.

I know there can be no good that can come from this, other than short term pleasure, which is probably not worth it. Confusing, to say the least.

Is your wife in or out? Are you supposed to play great dad and husband while she's gone all hours or weekends? My ex wife did that, leave on Fridays and come home happy and drunk Sunday night after I spent all weekend with our daughter. I am a firm believer that once they checkout you are well within your right to give them the shove off the porch they need. My Ex was banging our daughters boyfriends dad and now lives with the complete loser in some run down apartment. My kids spent the last 3 thanksgivings with me and will spend Christmas with me too. She's living with the ramifications of her choices. I am now talking to a gal I knew many years ago that went through her own divorce hell, her husband left her with small kids at home for their babysitter! These horror stories are in abundance, but with her I'm finding common ground, she's a home owner and has a great job and her kids are in high school now. I'm just saying there are possibilities out there, don't waste too much time stuck on someone who treats you like crap on their shoe. I haven't spoken or emailed my ex in well over a year and have no desire to ever communicate with her again, that person she was is long gone.

So, last night was the first night we both went out. She took the kids to her mom's, went out with a friend owns, and then slept at her mom's. They came home this morning, and they just went bowling with her mom and the kids. I declined the invitation. In the past week, I have gone out 5 or 6 nights after I he boys went to bed. So, if anything, she has given me some freedom to hang with my friends. The two weeks prior she was out more than me. So it's evening out. I refuse to play babysitter while she goes out with lord knows who. I do want to spend as much time with my boys as possible, but there's a fine line there.

My general thoughts as a guy who was cheated on after 19 years (never admitted by ex, but I had proof), went through fruitless marriage counseling b/c she was not invested in it, etc... It may be time for an ultimatum. How long has she been stringing you along? At some point, you just say "look, either you are going to make a REAL fucking effort or you are not. And I'm done waiting. So what's it going to be?" You have to assess for yourself if you have reached that point or not. And of course that's hard as hell to do. But do now allow yourself to be continually trampled upon.

There are other women out there. Other people. People who will treat you with respect. Never let yourself be disrespected.

It feels hopeless when you're in the thick of it. I know, I was there 1.5 years ago. I'm feeling pretty good now. Divorced, lots of options. Time will start to shred the "fog of war" a bit.

You sound like a damn good guy. Don't take too much of her shit. Best wishes!

I'm stuck on what your wife's friend said to you. I don't like she said what she said as that is VERY confusing. Don't give up but don't hold on to hope...?! You need to live your life and do right by your kids. You can't focus on your wife's activities or to that hope her friend just confused you with - you need to see her actions. They say it all. If she wants to make it work then she would be.

Have a coffee, but don't if you think this woman will become a source of additional stress in your life with the constant reaching out to "hang out". That may be a nice distraction as long as she isn't over the top.

Regardless, you and your kids are the focus right now, so do what your gut tells you! I find that thing is right most of the time.