Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The man that I LOVE disappeared on me. He hasn't called, text, or responded to any of my NUMEROUS attempts to get a hold of him. At first I thought he was hurt, sick, or "booked" but after I reached out to his mother, his best friend, and even his roommate I discovered he was "ok". His mother told me things are not going to good for him and that he has been acting out of character.
So, I began to mourn the end of our relationship. I figured he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I took it hard, extremely hard. I cried for WEEKS; every morning and every night. It was around this time I joined DS. I couldn't get out of bed, I had trouble breathing, all I wanted to do was "NOTHING". I was busy all day doing "NOTHING"... my life stopped. HOW COULD HE END IT LIKE THIS? WHEN DID HE STOP LOVING ME? DID HE FIND SOMEONE ELSE? It was a fairy tale relationship. Something that started in our childhood and blossomed as adults when we realized we wanted more than a friendship.
It turns out he has fallen into a DEEP DEPRESSION, it was triggered by a series of unfortunate events. Before he could recover from one incident he was hit with a few more. He e-mailed me saying he still loves me and he ask for forgiveness I responded a few days ago but he has disappeared again. I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR HIM BUT I Don't know how.
We are in a long distance relationship and I'm thinking of flying to him but I am afraid that when I get there I would have just spent my money and time for nothing, what if he doesn't want me there. What should I do?
So, I began to mourn the end of our relationship. I figured he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I took it hard, extremely hard. I cried for WEEKS; every morning and every night. It was around this time I joined DS. I couldn't get out of bed, I had trouble breathing, all I wanted to do was "NOTHING". I was busy all day doing "NOTHING"... my life stopped. HOW COULD HE END IT LIKE THIS? WHEN DID HE STOP LOVING ME? DID HE FIND SOMEONE ELSE? It was a fairy tale relationship. Something that started in our childhood and blossomed as adults when we realized we wanted more than a friendship.
It turns out he has fallen into a DEEP DEPRESSION, it was triggered by a series of unfortunate events. Before he could recover from one incident he was hit with a few more. He e-mailed me saying he still loves me and he ask for forgiveness I responded a few days ago but he has disappeared again. I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR HIM BUT I Don't know how.
We are in a long distance relationship and I'm thinking of flying to him but I am afraid that when I get there I would have just spent my money and time for nothing, what if he doesn't want me there. What should I do?
The majority of the responses to this post are consistent with one another. No one really thinks it's a good idea for me to go to him but I haven't decided what I want to do yet. I WILL wait on making a decision though.
But a random fact is that he lives in my home state so I actually have MORE family and friends where he is. Including my mother, sisters, and high school and college friends.
If I were going through a rough time I would want him to come to me*
Whatever I decided to do, I just want to thank everyone and no disrespect if I do the opposite of your suggestions :/
I want to be with him, I want him to count on me; no he did not as me to go but I want to show him that I care and that I WILL DROP EVERYTHING to be with him for at least a week.
THE REALLY CONFESSION!
I AM GUILTY OF NOT BEING HONEST WITH THE FAMILY!
My family thinks I want to go home to help my pregnant sister with her move. Though I will help and I want to see her before her due date. I also miss my niece and I want to see my mom too. But the truth is they don't know why the urgency to come home all of a sudden. I don't want them to know what this month has been like and I don't want them to know how pathetic I have been. I'm known as the "STRONG" one in the family. I'm the one that holds everyone together through illnesses and deaths.
I'm sorry people :(
It's a BIG, and I mean BIG mistake to let your emotions on this take over. You are strong, you are level headed.... and by pursuing this right now, you're going to HURT - yourself and everyone around you. When you find you are lying to everyone, you also lie to yourself and all that does is bring everybody PAIN. It's A HUGE WARNING FLAG that this is NOT the direction to go!!!
The best way to use your ability to take care of things is to take care of YOURSELF... show how strong you really are... establish YOUR standards on what you want in YOUR life instead. When he's ready to accept your help, HE WILL COME TO YOU. And if he doesn't come to you, you'll be ready for someone better to come into your life - because it means HE's not THE ONE.
I didn't want to say this because it hurts so much, but better now than destroying everything you value just to see it later.... but that thing he's dealing with... it could be a drug or alcohol addiction... or it could be another woman. Just the fact that he's disappeared more than once means he's already there and has been there a while.
I'M SO SORRY. If you love something set it free... if it's yours it will come back. That big sister in me just wishes to give you support. {{HUGS}}
The second I start judging and blaming, good intentions disappear.
No matter what you decide, please make sure you have review points (ex only: in 3 months). You may be able to help, but don't go down with the ship. It takes time. I would do what I could make sure professional help is available to him.
As others have flagged, be as sure as you can that he has not fallen into substance abuse. If so, he'll need to start treatment for that first.
All the best to you.