Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
The man that I LOVE disappeared on me. He hasn't called, text, or responded to any of my NUMEROUS attempts to get a hold of him. At first I thought he was hurt, sick, or "booked" but after I reached out to his mother, his best friend, and even his roommate I discovered he was "ok". His mother told me things are not going to good for him and that he has been acting out of character.
So, I began to mourn the end of our relationship. I figured he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I took it hard, extremely hard. I cried for WEEKS; every morning and every night. It was around this time I joined DS. I couldn't get out of bed, I had trouble breathing, all I wanted to do was "NOTHING". I was busy all day doing "NOTHING"... my life stopped. HOW COULD HE END IT LIKE THIS? WHEN DID HE STOP LOVING ME? DID HE FIND SOMEONE ELSE? It was a fairy tale relationship. Something that started in our childhood and blossomed as adults when we realized we wanted more than a friendship.
It turns out he has fallen into a DEEP DEPRESSION, it was triggered by a series of unfortunate events. Before he could recover from one incident he was hit with a few more. He e-mailed me saying he still loves me and he ask for forgiveness I responded a few days ago but he has disappeared again. I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR HIM BUT I Don't know how.
We are in a long distance relationship and I'm thinking of flying to him but I am afraid that when I get there I would have just spent my money and time for nothing, what if he doesn't want me there. What should I do?
So, I began to mourn the end of our relationship. I figured he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I took it hard, extremely hard. I cried for WEEKS; every morning and every night. It was around this time I joined DS. I couldn't get out of bed, I had trouble breathing, all I wanted to do was "NOTHING". I was busy all day doing "NOTHING"... my life stopped. HOW COULD HE END IT LIKE THIS? WHEN DID HE STOP LOVING ME? DID HE FIND SOMEONE ELSE? It was a fairy tale relationship. Something that started in our childhood and blossomed as adults when we realized we wanted more than a friendship.
It turns out he has fallen into a DEEP DEPRESSION, it was triggered by a series of unfortunate events. Before he could recover from one incident he was hit with a few more. He e-mailed me saying he still loves me and he ask for forgiveness I responded a few days ago but he has disappeared again. I LOVE HIM AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR HIM BUT I Don't know how.
We are in a long distance relationship and I'm thinking of flying to him but I am afraid that when I get there I would have just spent my money and time for nothing, what if he doesn't want me there. What should I do?
A depression so deep that a 28 year old boyfriend drops off the map for weeks is a really bad sign. I would just leave him to his family.
Find a new man without mental illness.
This person has too much control over you, and you seem to be seeking your self-worth by letting him validate you.
The fact that you won't fly to him, because there's a really good chance he will not be there or it will be a waste of money, shows how lopsided your relationship is. You are chasing him...but who is chasing YOU?
All you can do is let him know you're available if he wants to talk, and leave him be.
hey...how r u? im sorry i been being a douche....so much bullshit has been happening to me at once...n i've been takin it out on the ones i care the most about... my son, u, n mother n sisters n its not fair...im tryna get myself together now..i just feel like im bk in that depression mode n dont kno how to get bk out of it...it happened to me last yr, n i thought theres no way it could happen again n here we go...im so sorry i really m i love u like crazy, n i lost my job n otha things also happened in the matter of days n my phone could only get messages but i couldnt reply bk n then i got a text from u that kinda just did it for me i slammed the phone i was drunk so i didnt care at the time...but dont think ur at fault for anything or think that u've done sumtin wrong cuz u really havent its all me.......ur the best thing that has happened to me since i can remember n i hope u can forgive me for my foolishness n please respond if u can...if not i'll try n figure a way to understand without being hard on myself
BUT... words of wisdom....
DON'T fly out to him.... because whatever it is he's dealing with/doing, he's gotta straighten out for himself. If you go there, you'll either find things you'll wish you never found, OR he'll cover it up until you wind up taking care of it and he'll just do more because you took care of it. If the relationship is TRULY meant to be, he'll get himself straightened up, and come back to you ready. And that's what you really want - someone who will BE in the relationship ready.
A red flag - His idea of coping is to get drunk. Mine did too. Eventually, mine's addiction grew to the point of stealing from me... things I've valued since I was a child... then harming me - something I never thought would happened even up until I was sitting in the police car after he was arrested for the assault; while he was gone, I found more things that suggested it could have been worse. All because he had problems he didn't want to deal with. How horrifying it was to realize how blind I was... so PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE protect yourself.
Don't be married - your assets are safer if you're single.
Have your own financial security - I had an individual checking and savings account during our entire marriage, right up to the year before the divorce. What a nightmare to get that straightened out - I should NEVER have put his name on them.
Keep utilities, deposits, etc. in your name - because if you don't and things don't workout, you're going to have to come up with them again just to keep what you already have.
Have your own credit. Because if he defaults on anything with your name on it, it's going to make your survival in the future harder.
And lastly, always know who you are. Over the years, I took care of him more and more.... and when things exploded, I had no idea who I was anymore. It made the pain/grief even worse.
Good luck! {{HUGS}}