Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I don't get it. It is a repeat of my exhusband of 20 years. Now Jim of 10 years. Real nice the first few years and then get nastier and nastier and I keep asking him to stop. I'm yelling for him to stop. This time Jim goes after my sons and I tell him he better not ever strike my kids, and what does he do? He starts to hit, so I kick him out. I have no other choice!
You would think it would be over! But no! Just like my exhusband did, Jim won't go away either. He comes over every weekend and tells me how much he misses me and I tell him he can never move in until my youngest has moved out (years!) and he is so distraught and smothers me and keeps making it worse and calls constantly and is driving me insane with his attention and questions.
I am no saint! This makes no sense to me. The more he does this, the more I want him to go away for good and every week it gets worse. My ex tried to kill me and although I don't fear that Jim will, he does trigger some of those feelings in me sometimes. I just want to be left alone forever. I don't want anyone, ever. I am so completely closed off.
I don't know what to do. No amount of time or friendship I give Jim is enough and I don't undersstand this. When he was living with me, he loved me, but acted like everything I had to offer was crap. Now, suddenly I'm gold
How do I get him to go away without having him go psycho on me like my ex did? Why do people love others, but hurt them and really expect them to love them back? I keep telling him the truth of what went wrong in our relationship, yet he keeps asking, like I think he thinks its going to......change?! I can't get through to him. He is stuck in denial
Any suggestions? I want to move on and get back to me. I have health problems and have to heal my kids now.
You would think it would be over! But no! Just like my exhusband did, Jim won't go away either. He comes over every weekend and tells me how much he misses me and I tell him he can never move in until my youngest has moved out (years!) and he is so distraught and smothers me and keeps making it worse and calls constantly and is driving me insane with his attention and questions.
I am no saint! This makes no sense to me. The more he does this, the more I want him to go away for good and every week it gets worse. My ex tried to kill me and although I don't fear that Jim will, he does trigger some of those feelings in me sometimes. I just want to be left alone forever. I don't want anyone, ever. I am so completely closed off.
I don't know what to do. No amount of time or friendship I give Jim is enough and I don't undersstand this. When he was living with me, he loved me, but acted like everything I had to offer was crap. Now, suddenly I'm gold
How do I get him to go away without having him go psycho on me like my ex did? Why do people love others, but hurt them and really expect them to love them back? I keep telling him the truth of what went wrong in our relationship, yet he keeps asking, like I think he thinks its going to......change?! I can't get through to him. He is stuck in denial
Any suggestions? I want to move on and get back to me. I have health problems and have to heal my kids now.
Your situation reads very much like the pattern of abuse. The abuser lashes out, you take some of the blame (I am no saint), and now the abuser hassles you with words of love and remorse, trying to win you back.
If you really want him out of your life, here is what I would suggest:
1) Press charges against him for hitting your kids. His ass deserves to go to jail for that. No question about it.
2) File a civil protection order against him for stalking and harassment. You have the right to be left alone.
3) Get yourself to a domestic violence center as quick as your feet will carry you there. You obviously have a pattern of finding abusers. You need to get into counseling and find out how to break that pattern. You need it for yourself and more importantly, for your kids. Remember, anyone you date or live with affects your kids. You need the counseling so you stop this cycle.
Sending hugs! Please stay strong and do not let this piece of shit loser back into your life or your home.
I guess it's all too complicated. After my first ex, I went to counselling for 2 years and I had thought I picked a better person, but I think I helped foster the same kind of situation. I am not without blame in a broken relationship.
I was raised in an abusive pattern atmosphere so I am aware of this in me, and I keep standing up and saying no. What I want to know is what goes through a person's mind when they can't let go and how do I get them to the point of letting go? I keep telling him the truths which is bleak, but he keeps holding on.
I know you're scared because of your past history. I would tell him one last time you are through with him, and tell him you will get a restraining order if he doesn't leave you alone, then follow through with it. Also go back to counseling, because it obviously didn't work the first time. Maybe try a different counselor. And get your kids into counseling. I grew up in a verbally abusive household with an alcoholic, and I can tell you it has affected greatly. Kids don't grow up unscarred from these circumstances.
You need to realize this man is no good for you and cut him loose.