Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I just want to cry! I can't believe he is out of my life!!! I actually cannot believe it so unreal! It's been about 3 months which everyone indicates is a short amount of time. I don't want to feel like this for another year! I just want my life back! The pain is too much!
I have found some solace (at times) in focusing on all the negatives in my stbx. The ways she has wronged me, mistreated me, her faults, etc. I'm not sure if this will work for you, but it might not hurt to make a list of these things. Something to read at weak moments to remind you that, after the pain has eased, you will likely be better off.
I wonder if I'll eventually find someone else, someone special. I'm sure you wonder the same thing. But think about the pain you're in, the pain that was hanging around towards the end of the relationship. That is not good, not healthy, not what we deserve. For now, it's better to be alone and rebuild for a while than to suffer that. You should not have to suffer the way you are.
It is REALLY tough to deal with this crap and try to work as well. I don't know if you have a good rapport with your boss/manager, but if so it might be OK to mention the rough times and see if (s)he cuts you a little bit of slack. It worked OK for me, although I am starting to feel that I need to pick things up now or risk future problems. Doing my best.
Your support person is gone, but you have us, and you probably have other people in your life - maybe people you have neglected a bit recently - who would step up and be a sounding board for you. I don't have a lot of local friends, which is a problem for me, but I have re-connected with a few distant old friends and they have ALL been awesome about listening to my rantings and trying to help. Give it a try. Hearing an old friend's voice on the phone can be so healing.
Hang in there!
Things at work use to be better. I was really close with my boss but before this happened I was sick with depression and out of work for several months and it hasn't been the same since....She is aware of what is happening but I can't seem to talk to her as a friend anymore...
Your right I don't deserve this but what I hear is him saying back to me 'no you don't deserve this.'
When you said, "your support person is gone" it just hurts to read it.
I am thankful for you and everyone else that takes the time reply to my post. Your words seem so together for just 22 days after the divorce...Once again thank you...
Thanks, but as you know it is so up and down. I am at a recent high point so I am trying to dispense advice that seems useful. I am not always able to live up to it! I have been helped by this site and the good people here so I am trying to give back in return.
A few other random thoughts: Do you have hobbies you can immerse yourself in? Do you like to read? Run/bike? Movies? Occupy your time and try to distract yourself. Or especially any hobbies that involve other people.
If you have trouble sleeping, like I do, consider melatonin supplements. It helps a little. It might turn a 3-hour sleep night into a 4.5-5-hour sleep night for me. It's something.
If you are still putting your stbx on a pedestal, or imagining all the good things about him, you may want to re-examine that thinking. When we are clinging to a relationship (like I have been) we tend to emphasize the positives and ignore the negatives. Try to be objective. If you have a friend who knows your stbx well, ask him/her about his faults. You may find that you are not objectively evaluating this person. As I have slowly divulged information about my impending divorce to friends, I have heard some interesting and critical comments from them about my stbx.
I know it hurts to read "your support person is gone", but it fits in with another thing I've read on this very forum: basically, that you cannot expect comfort from the person who is hurting you. You will have to look elsewhere for it. And you may just find yourself re-connecting with an old friend or family member, and gaining a positive in your life. My brother and I have gotten closer since I confided my problems in him in February this year. That has been a really good thing.
Hold on.......you can get through this....
Please try and find someone to call or text and share your pain with
The pain cannot be avoided
But you can survive it
Try and get out with friends who understand
Life is so dark right now....but you must survive
I promise you as time continues it will get a little easier
Then much easier
I was ready to kill myself so many times, but my responsabilities stopped me
You will be able to build a new life eventually
BUT...you must join a support group....and have a therapist
and connect with people
It will get better......
See your doctor...to sleep....antidepressants? and talk
If I can survive these last 1 1/2 years...anyone can
BIG HUGS to you...Please hold on
I have come from a big family My mom and siblings have pointed out his some of he faults....I understand but I have lots of faults too...
Murphy - I am on antidepressants and anxiety medicine. I am going to counseling. I am trying...Thank you for your advice and encouragement.
Sja - I feel anything but normal but I know what you mean...Thanks