Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Savvannah 02/23/2021

I am a very emotionally closed off person when I comes to dating. I either need someone who is gonna be all in or we have to set boundaries right from the start.
Feb/2020 I met my 'ex' and he was great. He made me smile and told me he wanted to take things slow.

so after about 6 months I asked him if we were going to advance what we had; and he seemed interested but never really said anything. So finally at the beginning of this February I finally ended it with him because he had become distant and stopped talking to me and seeing me as much.

i know I should of left as soon as we had that chat after 6 months; but I didn't, and I'm really struggling to cope and with losing him. He was like my best friend. I spent a whole year with him, which isn't the longest time, but it was the first serious thing I've had since me and my ex-fiancé broke up 3 years ago.

im struggling with being alone and his absence now in my life. I'm very emotionally unstable and I'm having a very hard time getting help for my mental health. I need some good coping mechanisms, someone please help :(

Lavender80 02/23/2021

I think the first relationship we have after our major one (You were engaged) where we suffered a big loss...we enter it very vulnerable.

Like here's another opportunity for us to prove that we are worthy of love...and for someone else to accept us flaws and all.

I have been there. I think subconsciously...this breakup might have retriggered some old wounds from the first relationship that might have affected your self esteem or self worth.

It was a year where you invested your feelings and emotions and became vulnerable again. Him pulling away might have triggered your abandonment or rejection wounds.

I would read about this online. Sometimes our current situations trigger wounds that we long ago suffered...and just tried to wash over.

It's ok to be sad, and grieve. Don't beat yourself up about it.

I think if you took a step back...you would realize that this feeling of loss...isn't really about him...but what it meant to your self worth. I think rationally you saw the red flags, and did the right thing by ending it.

Loneliness and loss during the pandemic can be even more traumatic b/c we can't do things with others to get our mind off of things.

Sending you light and love.

11Christmases 02/23/2021

Try not to "should" yourself and judge yourself. I, too, beat myself up for staying in a certain relationship too long, and like you, it was my first one after a long relationship and divorce in my case. I think sometimes when we're in it, we feel rude or mean walking away when we feel like a partner is not "all in". It's hard to walk away, especially when they haven't done anything terrible to deserve getting dumped. I think we need to learn to love ourselves more than we love them. And walk away from romantic partners who might say they're "all in", but behave otherwise.

TheRoad 02/26/2021

I'm confused. You said you should have left earlier, and ended up leaving later, and now you miss him? Did you not sail your own ship here? You said he didn't seem interested. Did you find out if he wasn't? Or did you make an assumption he was. I find if you don't ask for things/answers, you don't get them. They may not be answers you want, but at least you are clear. I would also say you might want to investigate your dependence on other people for your emotional stability. I could be incorrect, but it seems you derive your esteem from outside sources other than from within. I wish you luck on finding counseling.

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