I'm a well read, basically intelligent person. This often gets in the way of my INTUITION.

I can rationalize, intellectualize, over-think, when in my gut the answer is there.

It's like in school when doing a multiple choice question, they tell you if you're in doubt, your first answer is usually the right one so go with it.

Tune in to your intuition and trust yourself.

The kids family stability comes first
That ideally means mommy and daddy on the same house building the kids family foundation

Your husband by being serial cheater
(Emotional affair = infidelity)
Is working on destroying your kids family stability

If you give him another last chance what is that going to cost you?
How much will making it work cost you if it works?
How much of it doesn't?

Will ever put himself all in?
If the answer to that is no, then giving him a chance will drain you.
Your ability to parent is compromised now and will be even more so if he continues to drain you

I think divorce is never the first option when kids are involved but it takes two adults to see that
Your husband sees only himself ( that is not what a father sees )
I think that divorce is just about your only choice
Sad, but kids need at least one adult parent that puts their family as the priority
Thier best family foundation is them and mommy

Mommy not drained by an unfaithful lair

You continue to go back to him each time, so what makes you think this time will be different? The pattern is there so what is his real incentive to stop? As long as you continue to go back, he will continue his behavior. Its almost, in a way, like you allow him to continue this behavior.

After 8 years, if someone hasn't done the work and nothing appears to have changed, most likely, the next 8 or 50 years will be the same.

You have tried to save your marriage, he has continued to spoil it. As clear day said, you can twist it anyway you want, but your first answer or instinct is what you should go with. Take it from someone who always changed their first answer on the test and ended up getting the question wrong. My teachers after awhile, took more points off for wrong answers when they saw me change them.

Dont get penalized more when you know what you should do.

Welcome to the group

You should 100% break up.
Honestly, I don't think this is salvageable because your husband has no empathy. Multiple affairs?? One time I can see - bad judgement, but multiple? This is a lifestyle, a person's core. You can NOT change that. He will continue to cheat and ruin your life.

However, what I would suggest to you is a trial separation. You completely break it off, no sex, have him completely move out, set up a visitation schedule for the kids and if he really wants to, you can start going to couples counseling and work on your issues.
Once you start living alone and see the kind of nightmare of insecurity he put you through, you will feel much more confident about your divorce decision.
Your children are watching you suffer. They need a happy mom.
You will never be happy with him.

Its definantly an emotional time and hard decision to make. Trust is hard thing to get back. Often it wont get better and it will drain you more and more. My relationship was also sorta a yo yo with different issues but i dont think things would of ended this bad or i would feel this drained jad we not kept pushing to work on us. In the end my kids have dealt with too mich because of how bad its ended.

Refurb nailed it with post 2.

Your kids need you, and they won't have you if you're destroyed by his affairs.

Get yourself tested for STD's too. They need a healthy mom. (I'm somehow doubting the "emotional" part.)

Thank you all for your honest and helpful feedback. Because of all this stress, I have entered into a depression and have isolated myself from my friends and even co workers. I only want to be home and be alone. I feel so drained from hanging on to every piece of hope, word and
Action from him looking for clues that things are going to get better. He has a wandering eye that he attributes to his job of "being a
Cop" and he says he notices everybody because of his
Profession. Sorry, but looking girls down isn't part of your Job when you're off duty and with your wife and kids. Fortunately, I've been on top of my health and have gotten checked for STD's after every discovery and have gotten a clean bill of health each and every time. Out of all the affairs (I have confirmed 5 in 8 years), the first mistress (his ex) was the one that disclosed their sexual relationship when he kept stringing HER along and finally wouldn't give her more than just a booty call. So she got mad and sought to let the cat out of the bag. I'm anxious daily because of the instability. Where will I be in 30, 60, 90 days? I hate not having a firm and stable ground with a cloudy future.

Oh dear. He's a cop?

I don't want or need any hate from"law enforcement professionals". Yes there's good and bad everywhere. However, this type I know -. RUN. GET OUT. HES AN EGOMANIAC AND ISN'T GOING TO CHANGE.

And let go of that depression.

It's not you, it's HIM.

Yes it sucks that you have to go through this.

We all wanted the happy family.

In ten years you will look back and thank yourself, because he'll do this to the next one, and the one after that.

I also agree, it's time to make the decision you know is in the best interest of all (yes, even him), and divorce him. Doesn't law enforcement stress personal accountability for all citizens? He's not immune to that.

Without trust, everything is just pretend. You can't respect him if you don't trust him. Can you have a healthy love for someone you can't trust and respect? I don't think so. Your "new normal" is abnormal but you're so used to it that you can live with it. You're walking in the mud, not on solid ground.

In my case, my first "instinct" was 6 years ago. I held out 6 years, the worse decision of my life. I slowly became sadder and sadder, and stopped reaching out to people. I felt so misunderstood, because no one knew the extent of my dysfunctional relationship. I spent the better part of year 6 agonizing about whether to leave or go. He didn't agonize one little bit. He didn't even hear most of what I was saying. He didn't believe that I would ever go, because he's just such a great guy (no cheating but many other issues). What I did, year after year of the 33 years we've been together, is give him permission, day after day, to continue with his abusive patterns with me. By staying. I had the choice to walk away the first time it happened. I stayed. I said "go ahead, do it again", simply by my own inactions.

Oh and that depression? Guess what? You may find yourself recharged and revitalized after you start on your path to a healthier life without the lying cheating spouse. I do. It's amazing what standing up for yourself, respecting yourself, acknowledging your own strengths and do your your self esteem.

It may be almost unbearably painful for you to be the one to initiate the divorce, you want that stable family. It will be hard. But you have to protect yourself - mind, body & spirit. And you have to protect your kids mind, body & spirit. Please don't let yourself believe they don't know what's going on. They may not know all the details, but they know something bad is going/has been going down, and they're suffering NOW because of this.

Rip the band-aid off now, open it to the air.

You can do it. I support you for doing what's best for you & the kids.

Good luck, be well.

It's about him being a twisted cheating control freak
Stay and he will drain you while he fills you with pain