After texting me last Friday that she wanted to end our relationship, she's moving out this weekend.  She found a place to sublease from a friend.  Interestingly, she found a place much faster than the last time she left me 2 years ago (last time she stayed for 4 months before moving out). She said she's subleasing the place from a male friend who travels a lot and will be moving out and needed someone to take over the lease.  She said this is just a friend and not a person she is dating.  I hope she's telling the truth.

We had a long face to face talk this morning, so this time there's at least some closure.  2 years ago she just told me she was done, she was already emotionally checked out and didn't want to talk about it.  So it was 4 months of her living with me where she didn't talk to me before she moved out (worst 4 months of my life).  At least this time she gave me the courtesy of talking to me about her decision.

She reminded me she suffers majorly from depression, she has a lot of stuff going on in her head that she doesn't want to talk about that I will never be able to comprehend.  I have always known of her depression from day 1 and I have always thought she and I can work on her depression together.  She never told me this was the reason why she left 2 years ago, now I know.  She tried committing suicide when she was a teen.  She had a very rough childhood, which included homelessness, molestation from a family member, abandonment by her father, date raped by a guy she trusted and thought was her friend and a shitload of other issues that she doesn't want to talk about and relive.  I believe her rough past is a key factor why she makes a lot of bad choices in her life, including quitting a really good job, making large purchases without considering financial impact amongst other things.  All of her relationships prior to me were very abusive physically, emotionally and verbally.  That is where she gets the "I don't deserve you" mentality. She said she is going through a lot of issues right now and she just needs to be alone and not be in any relationship. She added that it is not fair to me that she keeps stringing me along while she is feeling this way.  She swears up and down there is nobody else and in no way want any relationship with anyone.  2 years ago she ran back to the father of my youngest step-daughter, because she felt an obligation to go back to him (again making bad choices).  She will be moving out with my youngest step-daughter, but my oldest step-daughter will continue to live with me because there's not enough room for her at the place she's moving to.  The first time she left, we got divorced and were not together for 1 and a half years. We were together 8 years before that and this time our "let's work things out" relationship lasted only 6 months.

During the course of her life, she went to conselling several times, but none of the counselling helped.  She was also on several meds to help with her depression, but she would always stop taking them for some reason.  She said meds and counselling "just doesn't work."  I am glad she explained her decision this time, much better than just keeping me guessing like the last time.  I do love her a lot and it really hurts me that she is leaving again.  I just wished she had a better handle on her depression and was willing to keep trying counselling and finding the right meds.  This really sucks because she is truly a good person, but with a horrible condition.  I made the stupid mistake of telling her that I will always be there for her and if she decides to come back, I will welcome her with open arms.  I think by saying that I just gave her more power and proved I am weak.  I don't know...  

If you're still reading this, thanks for letting me open up to you all.  I truly appreciate the support I get from everyone here.