I am angry a lot of the time when I talk to the ex. For me, it is because we are over. We are no longer together. Nothing is going to change that. I don't really want to know anything about him anymore nor him about me. Seeing him and communicating always takes me back a few steps.

Yep mine was big time mean and angry in the beginning (he still is to some degree) that's when I realized he was having an affair.

Sorry to say but that usually is the case, easier to blame us than deal with their own emotions, guilt, frustrations. Don't know if that is the situation but 9 out of 10 times it is.

Hugs!

My wife after 16 years pulled me aside and said she no longer loved me and did not want to be a wife or a mother. What the hell runs through people's minds. We never had an argument. I think maybe your energy is best spent on you rather than trying to understand. Keep yourself healthy and your attitude strong. Your wife will have to figure out what is going on inside of her.

Mine was mean in the beginning and then my youngest son found out about the affair. He's been polite since but still is being difficult about the financial end of the divorce. They still want it all.

Um, I didn't cheat, but I was angry when I filed for divorce. Angry because I had enough and wanted him to leave me alone. Angry because he kept trying to talk to me and come over even though the restraining order made it clear I wanted no more abuse from him. Angry because he was telling our kids that the divorce was my fault. Angry because he was telling anyone that would listen that I had been locked up in mental hospitals multiple times (never have been), among many other lies.

Angry because I was finally able to be angry. During our marriage if I showed anger, the kids and I just got more abuse, so I had to bottle it all up.

Thank you Bernie for that wonderfully informative post. I am being punished and until now, did not really understand why.

I have to concur with the guys, exactly the same thing. She said that she had "anger" issues and always had (this was prior to us moving out East). but it got worse just before she left. so yeh.. shit happens just like that cus of that in any case you run in to where "all of the sudden" she is angry and telling you all the unfounded things you have done to hurt her .

Oh yeah, the anger. Yup, usually means there is an affair going on.

My ex was as mean as a snake. Denied the affair even when there was overwhelming evidence that he was having one.

Even to this day, he cannot bring himself to say he cheated or had an affair. And he is still mean. It's his way of dealing with his guilt.

There is one thing I would advise. Please remember that you don't have to take verbal abuse from her anger. When she starts running her mouth, show her the door or hang up the phone. That is one thing I did with the ex. I would not allow him to verbally abuse me anymore.
I'm sorry you have to deal with this Rman. Stay strong. Hugs!!!!

Huh. That's odd. My stbx never blamed me for her affair and was never snappish or ill-tempered when her affair was going on. I could tell she felt badly about something, but I didn't know what it was, and I didn't know that those bad feelings were guilt and shame.

The article Bernie posted explains A LOT. Wow.

OMG... I had never put the two together....

It totally makes sense now. OMG, I am shocked. I didnt realize that his anger was associated with his affair.

Seriously I dont know what Id do without DS.

Well, thanks for making me feel even worse people. I thought you were here to help? Just kidding...remember, I try to be funny at times. I don't know if she had an affair. But it would truly shock me if she did. I'm still working two jobs and paying for her to live in our home. In fact, I just got home from work. I left the house at 8:00am and it's now almost 1:00am. I have to be at work again (Saturday morning), at 9:00am. It doesn't matter anyway. I can't sleep for shit. It's funny, because this whole anger started the day after she went out with a girlfriend from work. Was it actually her friend from work? Was it a guy? Was it a girl? Is she a lesbian? Who the fuck knows. All I know is that it is pretty fucked up what she did and how I am being treated. Sorry for the language. I hope all of you are ok or better. Thanks for making me feel worse tonight...just kidding again. Does anyone even get my humor? I'm trying people...I'm trying...

go fuck yuorself. J/k

Nova....you spelled that wrong....biatch...

DON'T FOCK WITH THE RMAN....go play with the nabbers.

Eat it lick it snort it fuck it, Latina....# 30