Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My girlfriend told me a few days ago that she was going to spend a week for a week with friend. I told her that that would mean the end of our relationship and she did not reply. She said she had nothing else to tell me. I am still in shock. We have been friends for `the last ten years, she was my high school girlfriend 30 years ago and she still remembers every detail of what we did back then. She says repeatedly that I am the love of her live and will always be so. I feel that by breaking up by going away with a friend she is ruining ALL our past and possibilities of even being friends in the future. I feel she is destroying our entire past. Should I text her this week while she is with her friend and tell her that whatever she does this week will destroy our whole past, not just break up. I am so sad and shocked she is doing this to me. she really loved me. Should I write something like that in the hope she does not do something serious like sleep with him or start seeing him as his new relationship?
i'm sorry.
Women, can have male friends. One of my best friends is female and we have never slept together, she is not interested, i am not interested. I would spend a week with her in a heartbeat, use her as a sounding board, cry on her (even though i don't cry as i am a tough guy, i'm just saying it for effect), tell her my shit, ask her to help me deal with my shit etc. If my 'girlfriend' couldn't accept that i had a female friend then, i would find that vexing to say the least. My gf has male friends, some she met through school, some through work. They have been clubbing together, on summer holidays together, and what? what can i say? Sometimes you have to just accept that people have friends of the opposite sex, or it'll drive you mad like it clearly is.
I think faithful777's comment 'could' be true, she should have had a lengthy discussion with you about it. Has she? You didn't make that clear? Although, i do also think Faithful777's comment is potentially the worst case scenario. Have you thought for one second her 'friend' might actually just be someone whom she trusts and needs them to help her... like .....a.......FRIEND?
IMHO - Saying "I told her that that would mean the end of our relationship" makes you sound weak and gives her all the cards to deal with. Just let her do her thing, have a word with yourself while she's away and question how she makes YOU feel (which is clearly messed up) and ask yourself if you may be better getting over her and moving on (which it sounds like would be the best thing for you). In a few months you'll look back at NOW and feel better, stronger, and wiser.
Good luck dude.
Has she ever given you reason to mistrust her? She was pretty up front about who she was going to spend the week with. Have you had jealousy issues with her in the past that has caused problems between you? She might be offended that you are making insinuations about a platonic friend and demands in the form of ultimatums. That's a sure fire way to shut down communication. It kind of sounds as though you both need to sit down and have a heart to heart and figure out if there is an acceptable compromise where you both feel respected. Either that, or call it a day. Calling her during her time away to say that ALL of your past is now destroyed is melodramatic and doesn't make you look particularly rational. Best wishes.
if she can do this you are not the love of her life - she's playing with you.
I posted "If a Man Wants You" for some women but it applies to both genders .... here goes ...
If a Man Wants You
By: Salma Rumman
This advice was passed along to me from a counselor; it was great to hear so I wanted to share it.
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesnt want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship thats not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve
then heck no, you cant "be friends."
A friend wouldnt mistreat a friend.
Dont settle. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Dont stay because you think "it will get better." Youll be mad at yourself
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men whove got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didnt marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a mans behavior. Change comes from within.
Dont EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has
more education or in a better job. Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone elses man.\
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, hell cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you allow him to treat you.