Sorry to hear about this Somer. Y r u afraid of her? What can she do? There is nothing wrong with going out if you have someone to keep your kids. Is there a small chance you want her back and this will screw up that chance?

I don't tell my kids things that I don't want repeated back to their dad. I know they don't mean to, but they do say things.

Lee

What does she mean by "you'll pay for it later"?

You probably need to talk to your lawyer about this.

Sorry she's still driving you crazy.

I don't want her back at all. I am just afraid what she will do. I don't know what she will do, she is an evil vindictive person. I guess she doesn't want me to be happy.

I told my kids that I am going out for an hour or so and the babysitter will be watching them. I guess I am too honest for my own good.

My stbx trys to control or manipulate me,but I am such a tattletale that I go straight to my lawyer any more.I don't talk to stbx.Fortunately my kids are grown,and he manipultes and dumps on them. I agree with the others to talk with your lawyer.

I'll talk to my lawyer about it. The thing is, I don't want to pay my lawyer for something this stupid.

I don't want anything to do with the F!@#tard at all.

I can relate to his fear.

When my situation first went off the rails, my now ex did things I never imagined she would do. She had already manipulated herself into a position (with new bf w/money) to have a financial advantage over me.
Without going into the gory details, lets just say for a few months she 'terrorized' me with threats and intimidation, mostly over taking the children if I didn't play be her rules. I had a similar situation occur over what I do in my life that the ex strongly objected too.

But, in my case, I let time pass, let myself regroup mentally and emotionally and then re-examined exactly what she could do to me. I started with what she had done, which turned out to be very little except to leave me. At some point, I don't remember when, I started 'pushing back'. That amounted to nothing more than saying NO to her irrational demands and her trying to interject herself into my life (again mostly over my time and relationship with the children).
After saying no the first time, it became easier. Of course, for someone who believes they are the center of the universe, to be told no sent her into a rage, but thats all it was. She would talk shit, make threats, bluster and rant, and nothing would come of it.

Most recently she has made a grab for full custody of our minor children. (We currently have split, shared custody.) She thought that if she filed a motion, made threats, that I would just roll over and give in. She assumed I did not have the financial resources to fight back.

A lot changes in a year.

She ran headlong into a brick wall this time. She now faces a prolonged court fight, a contempt of court charge and the very real probability she will lose. This is a situation where the longer this goes on and the more public it is, the worse it is for her.

Yeah, I'm in debt up to my ass now. But its worth every dime to see her squirm and fret.

Don't let your imagination run wild, dude. Draw a line in the sand and refuse to let her cross it.

Ditto on L's advice about being careful about what you tell your kids that will be repeated to her. You just have to draw the boundaries in communication so that this kind of communication cannot take place: stick w/email (especially if she's making crazy controlling threats; then it's documented!) or if it's over the phone, tell her you won't listen.

And yes, I still have the same controlling kind of things going on. The problems that were already there don't change or go away, you just don't have to live with the person any more.

I let almost all of my stbx's phone calls go to a recorder. I decide if and when I will call him back.

Quit taking her calls. Deal with her through emails. Tell her that is how you want your communication. Phone calls should be if there is an emergency with one of the children. That's it.

Be very careful of anything you write. If you say anything negative, she will show the judge. Before I send an email, I think about it being read in open court. I only write about business things. Nothing else.

Good luck to you. I hope this is over soon.

Thanks Eagle. I hope to be in your position soon. This divorce thing is taking longer than I thought.

My stbx is such a control freak. I will definitely need to learn how to say no.

Why can't you just go out when the kids are with their mother? Sorry but I have to agree with her on this one. When the kids are with you they should be your only priority.

There are two options available to you here:
1. Go out as planned or
2. Go out when you do not have your kids.

I have faced similar issues because I was afraid of my wife as well. One night while she was cussing at me on the phone, I interrupted her and said, "If you continue this, I will hang up." I had to say this twice but it worked. I had never stood up to her before like this. That was over a year ago and when I stand up like this, she has more respect for me.

You need to show your wife that your kids safety and emotional health are paramount to you as you would hope they are to her. You could then stand up and be counted. The first time you do this you will be scared as hell. After, you will ask yourself why you didn't do it years ago.

I hope that this will work for you as it did for me.

Steven

last night was the only night that was available for the week. Besides, the kids will be asleep when I leave.

They are my priority, that is why I made sure to only go when they slept. This was the only time I tried going out when I had the kids. I tried and failed.

Maybe don't look at it as a failure. Look at as you saw a better way..made a responsible choice.

Surely if this were an important event or necessity...there would be no argument. But as a mother, to see a divorced parent leave their child (even while asleep) when they only get them part time is irresponsible and selfish. Very little can be classified as more important than sharing time with your kids.

So even though they are sleeping (I dont kno w their ages) what if they woke up? You weren't there. That would cause insecurity and feelings of abandonment in them.

Don't allow anything to jeopardize your relationship with your kids Somer. They come first. Period.

I don't want to sound unsupportive, but I think SockFuzz makes some good points. I tend to always think of the children's point of view first. The separation is still fairly recent for them. They may still be dealing with feelings of insecurity and fears of abandonment. They want to feel rock-solid and secure with you in this strange new turn their lives have taken.

Are you in the house they grew up in or in a new house? That might also be a factor.

I remember as a child the intense feeling of safety and security I felt knowing that my parents were home. They used to say, if anything happens in the night, just bang on the adjoining wall and we will be with you in a second. I never did that--but I remember the feeling of safety. A babysitter would never provide that.

After some time as elapsed and everyone is more adjusted, things would be different. Just some things to consider...

Just another 2 cents' worth: It seems like there are 2 issues, the actual issue of your being home when your children are asleep, and the issue of your stbx acting controlling. It sounds as if your pain is really coming from the 2nd one, and it looks as if you are still working things out with her on that. It's just really hard when the particular issue in question also involves the children.