That is painful. To not have support and understanding has to hurt. I hope you work it out and are able to get from each other whatever it is you both need.

I have been through this before as well. I am sending positivity and love your way! I hope that you will feel better, and that counseling will help. Just keep working at it.

Wombat2, yes you could say that I still feel that way. I'm not sure where that comes from, I didn't have a bad childhood. My wife isn't a bad person. We've grown apart but I don't want to lose a good thing if it can be salvaged. As long as we don't talk about our problems we can be friends and speak as such. My therapist has encouraged me to find myself and where I fit in the world.

i feel your pain im still living with my soon to be ex till i get a flat in a couple of weeks it hurts she is so close physically but emotionally she is miles away the sooner its over the better and i can begin the long road to forgetting her as hard as it will be.
i hope things work out for you.

I'm in simular position. The 1St week was horrible. He'll would be like a walk through a park. A read about a last resort 180 technique. It basically says move on. Try to be happy even if it hurts, smile. Treat yourself. It might remind her why she first fell in love. A sad mess is not attractive. If it doesn't work, you're making first steps to recovery. Just know you're not alone in it. We feel for you and support you.

If she tells you your words hurt her, there is less of a distance on her part. Set some time aside to ask her what she feels for you. Then have her give examples of your traits and things you do that make her feel that way. Finally, look at the reasons you felt close to her in the past. Was there something you admired in her? These are just ideas and I am no therapist. Sometimes we get in our own way when it comes to loving our spouse. Don't focus on the perceived lack of emotion at this moment, but commit to finding a way to awaken it. Praying you can see your way to love again.

When you said as long as we don't talk about our problems we can be friends......My husband did shut down emotionally and physically 10 years ago. for the longest time I tried too. For me it would be too hard. He actually could continue indefinitely as is...seems to want a roommate, maid, cook. i need more. I have come to realize I have more to give, but I need the same back.

the question for you is....do you want a friend...or a loving spouse? PS Your therapist is right to encourage you to search within and discover who YOU are and what YOU want. You should not feel you need a woman on your arm to complete you, rather if you are lucky enough to have her, that she may simply complement you instead.......(I have been hearing that from others alot lately myself)

When I look at your posts, I see you seem very sad and afraid of what will happen when your nest soon empties. This is why (imho for what that is worth) I think you need to work on what it is that makes you tick. When you said you felt like you needed a girlfriend to not feel lonely....I did always feel that too (But this tells me that you may think that you are not good enough on your own.)

You got an early start, you stuck around and raised 2 great kids, are still in your marriage and you are young. You have lots to be proud of. You may have made a few mistakes along the way, but WE ALL HAVE. That does not make you unworthy of happiness...it makes you human

I hope and pray that you do discover all you have to offer and that ou do deserve to be happy.

Thank you all very much for the encouragement and support through this difficult time. My wife and I had a good day today. We made small talk and we enjoyed our lunch date together.

Try to find whts going on in her heart n why she is avoiding u

Hmm, I disagree with separation and divorce unless the relationship is abusive. Threatening to leave and/or actually leaving only makes it easier for two people to walk away because it breaks the bond you have. It is way harder to recover from that in most instances, although not impossible. It is just not something I go around recommending.

A little background about me first. I am a widow. Have been a widow since 2007. Being a widow is similar to divorce in that you are left by someone you loved and don't have the choice to fix it. Death is permanent, and as such you have to deal with it all. I will let you attribute what you want to that word all most likely I have dealt with it I assure you. I am also a Christian. I have to put that out there because it makes my perspective different them many.

Here is what I learned about grief and loneliness after living entirely on my own for the first time in my entire life and loss of spouse and becoming an empty nester.

1) The only way through it is head on.
2) It is very important to remember both good times and bad together.
3) It is extremely important to have someone trusted you can talk to who will listen and not blab, or constantly give unwanted advice, or be salty toward you. They need to be encouraging and affirming, but speak truth n love. That having been said you need to know and or establish an inner circle that includes wise counsel and a trusted advisor just not everyone has to have that role.
4) Don't withdrawal from everyone. We withdraw because we are hurt and/or hurting, feel ashamed because of something that happened may/or may not have any truth to it, or we did something and failed and have regrets. If this is the case, you need professional counseling and a close walk with God IMHO to get through it.
5) When I have felt my most loneliness is when rejected God's love. After my husband died I freaked out. Here I had three boys aging 11 to 15. A time when boys really need a dad and begin bonding and emulating their father and how they grow up learning how to treat woman because now they are beginning to be interested in girls and dad has such a huge influence on them, or so I thought. Every time I would get on the Internet and start talking to men and it didn't work out because they turned out to be a scam artist I was left more broken than before and even more aware of how broken I was. It wasn't love or even close to it. Withdrawing from everyone didn't help either because even though you get ride of people that drag you down you also prevent people who genuinely care about you from expressing their care and concern for you further making you feel isolated and lonely. It was only when I said to hell itch everyone else's screwed up beliefs on relationships, love and sex as a Christian and decided to do my own bible study on singleness that I realized that even though I didn't have all the answers yet I didn't feel lonely anymore. It was the strangest thing. As I grew closer to God and learned the truth all of the sudden I felt lighter, less depressed, more social, more loved and loving toward others around me. It just made everything better, and I don't mean fixed my problems. Just more enjoyable, less difficult. Bearable.

So if you are feeling lonely with your wife and you said you are going through counseling together and individually then don't give up. If she says she isn't feeling lonely then I would say there is hope.

A relationship takes two people to make it work and you will never hear me say it's all the fault of one person in the relationship. People do not get to splitting up or the divorce stage without a lot of shit happening in between. A marriage relationship requires transparency, honesty, and a willingness to die to self for the good of all. What we give up, sacrifice, and selflessly choose to do needs to be acknowledged by our partner. A marriage is a partnership. There are not blue jobs and pink jobs that need to be done. There is just stuff that needs to get done and each person comes into the relationship with their strengths and weaknesses. You are two people there for who will fail, fall, screw up and not get it right from time to time and you need to forgive, forget, extend grace and mercy, and love one another today better than yesterday because tomorrow is not promised.

As for getting in touch with who you are and what you want... You don't have to break up accomplish that either, it can be done either way. When you met your wife you liked her for who she was at that moment in time, and guess what, she liked you for who you were at that moment in time. Not what you do as a profession, not who was your parents and siblings, or where you lived, or the car you drove. Just you because of your qualities and character, abilities, and personality. That doesn't change drastically for the most part. It can get better or worse depending on what you feed it and how you use it and exercise it. Unlike jobs, careers, money, possessions. Those things change constantly. They have the power to make life better or worse if you let it, but they do not define who you are.
It's important that two people continue to pursue the things they like and are interested in because that's how you exercise who you are without really thinking about it. It is often done individually, and these new experiences have the power to influence and change us. That's why it is so important for married couples to continue to date each other and never stop. Your relationship with your spouse can deepen and be enriched if you give each other time and space to do or try things you have always wanted to do. People are not static we do change but slowly over time. A married couple who fails to date each other can one day wake up in the same bed and not really know the other person because they didn't keep up with what is important to them.

Last but not least you have to learn to allow your spouse to hold their own opinions. That may mean you have to learn to agree to disagree on issues and find a way to honor and respect the other person and make decisions you both can live with and still love each other.

Woman give sex to get love
Men give love to get sex
But if you ask a guy which he can live without love or respect he will say he can live without love but ha can not live without respect.
A woman often is not brought up not being respected or knowing how to draw boundaries or assert herself or she would never give up her virginity to be "loved". So if a guy wants respect then learn to respect your wife and honor her then when you cherish her and speak sweetly to her; she will respond positively because she feels loved and cherished and respected, and her brain will not be preventing her from letting her guard down waiting for the other shoe to drop. When the shoe drops and you haven't respected and loved nod cherished her out of selfishness or thoughtlessness, don't scratch your head wondering what you said or did. It may not even be related to the event that triggered it. It was only the straw that broke the camels back.