I agree with Z...I posted to you about that lady at one of the divorce support groups I went to. She has 3 kids and has lived in separate rooms from her husband for the past year in a half. The question...posed to her....is this the marriage you want your kids thinking is "normal". Her response....no. She does not want her son and daughters thinking this is how a husband should be treating his wife and vice versa. This is not what "family" is about. Next question to her....if it continues like this and they grow up like this consider the impact on how they view relationships/marriage to be growing up. Her response...she felt like she maybe setting them up for failure with respect to relationships/marriage if they think what she has is "normal".

I respect what you're doing....100%. I would have done anything to prevent this divorce for the sake of my girls. ANYTHING. But when it starts impacting your kids and not in a postive light...whats the point than of doing ANYTHING for the marriage.

I don't really have anything else to say other than I understand what you're feeling. And it sucks.

ditto

Friday and Z...........may I hug you both?
Rman- I know.....you know I know.....I hug you......sucks for sure but you know what's right for you......

But you are going down like a bitch, you just don't know it

Actually, I'm a DS admin, paid to "divert attention." This post was written last night, in response to a few posts which were on the verge of becoming out of control. DS has gotten out of control lately and I am paid to "divert" your attention from this matter. Also, I took a baseball bat and smashed everything in my house last night, including her vehicle. I took her purse and lit it on fire in the back yard, as well. Just got out of jail, to continue my DS diversion tactics. I think the days for this website are numbered, so just keep that in mind.

I speak from my heart and experience. I was the child that my father had to "SACRIFICE" and stay with my mother who made his life hell for his mistakes form 30 back. I am the "SACRIFCE" that my mother chose to stay with a man who wronged her. I thought I HATED them both from bringing me and my siblings into THEIR SHIT. They were so busy making pretend, fighting harshly when they THOUGHT that we were asleep and the OVIOUS: CLUELESS on what was happening to me as a child.

From the outside in, we were a happy and sound family but, from the inside out, we were serving a sentence and I envied those children whose parents were divorced because those friends were happy to go see their non custodial parent for the weekend because that parent would pay attention to them.

How is that for the flip side?

I will NEVER subject my children with that stress/burden. I did well with the first two even though their father turned their back on them. I will do the same with mancub whose father is doing the same. Peace, love, respect and serenity is the environment that I've created for them and I'll be damned if they taste a little bit of my life under my watch.

I stayed with my ex longer than I should have because I was in shock and wanted to keep the family that we created together no matter what. Well, my middle child was affected to the point where he had a hell of run with anger and suicidal thoughts. I had to take him to counseling and I shudder at the thought what would have happened to his psyche if I would have forsaken his well being by keeping a facade going.

This is my experience in the raw. I screwed up but, I make amends and find solutions.

my daughter told me recently when we kinda broached the subject of the divorce that she didn't know what "happened" but she could feel the stress and tension in the household. We were both kind and civil to each other during the last days Rman, but she saw through it. She also said things have gotten better now (post divorce). Think about what your doing and for what reason. The reason may just be an excuse not to do anything.

Definition of insantiy is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

Geez, Z, that hit home for me...last night was WWIII in my house that just got out of control. I usually take the high road but I was backed in a corner and just let him have it. I have NOT SLEPT in over 24 hours over this. Rman, it is a toxic way to live and I know I have shaved 20 years off my life and for what a POS.

Here is the kicker: My parents divorced 6 years ago! IN MY FREAKING 40'S! My mother hates my father with such a passion and she has told me that if I have interaction with my father, to consider her dead in my life. Yes, at my age (47 now), I am having to be careful about my interactions but, I did tell her that he is my father and if she wants to erase herself from my life that it would be her loss as she will not see her grandchildren grow because of her pride.

Their sucky sacrifice still affects our lives because it has grown and the roots are deep. My father has moved on and is happy with another woman. My mother lives to hate him. We *my siblings and I* just wait for the day that this all will finally end.....which is not a good thing....

I've said enough Rman. You can lead a horse to water but, you can't make them drink it.

Just know that your fear is real but, your choices are impacting more than you.

I will refrain now.

Yep, as much as it hurt. And it hurt like crazy. It was probably the best thing that my ex walked out.

He quit drinking himself to sleep every night.

He never wanting this life of a home and children. He always really wanted the weekend dad/grandfather type thing. It was how he grew up.

(His dad was always working too. He spent more time with his grandfather than his dad. And yep, his grandfather used to take him away on weekends. How's that for imprinting??

It's not what I signed up for, but it's better than being scared of the sound of the garage door opening every night....

Hugs. Your situation isn't mine, and you'll find your own way, as we all do.