During my marriage I can truely say that the first five years were pretty good. The last two weren't so hot. I admit that I would complain about not getting it enough and she would complain that I was always asking for it. She had several excuses of why she wasn't making love to me (it hurts, she has a headache, she is too tired, there isn't enough time, she isn't in the mood, and many other reasons). She disliked the fact that I had a really high drive and she would have been happy if I never asked for it.

At first I thought that it was something that was wrong with me. I felt that she didn't desire me because she didn't think that I was attractive anymore.

I would ask her about this and she would tell me that I didn't do enough to get her in the mood. Then I would try to give her a really special evening (flowers, nice restaurant, etc) and she would say that I just did that to get sex.

I am very emotionally in check and I would always tell her that I loved her,I would always compliment her on how she looked (honestly she is a very attractive woman), and I would so sweet things for her.

When the sex stopped I stopped doing sweet things as much. I would still say I love you and compliment her, but I didn't get flowers for her as much and do the other things as much.

I always had felt that sex was a special connection between her and I that we shared and when we shared it we were closer. In a way, the sex was affirmation that she loved me.

I started to think that maybe something was wrong with her because she had such a low level of desire. I blamed it on the birth control pills that she was taking and the fact that she didn't want to have kids and was afraid of getting pregnant. I asked her to talk to the Doctor about these things and try changing pills (she refused to do that).

At some point I would once in a while wonder if she was being satisfied else where. I am not sure if that happened or not. She did have some wierd behavior at the end (house sitting all the time and not telling me where she was at, always late from work, etc). Then I realized that the way her sex drive was it may not be so.

I have finally come to the conclusion that the sex went out of the relationship when she stopped feeling for me. Especially in the last year. There were other things that were factors in it, but she changed who she was for the last two years. She became really career oriented and she became extremely selfish. If something didn't suit her or she didn't gain anything out of it then she wouldn't do it. She no longer had an emotional connection to me.

I look back at the relationship. In the last two years she NEVER started anything with me. During the whole relationship I started most things. She rarely kissed me first or went to kiss me. She NEVER asked to be held or for a hug. She NEVER asked me to support her in something, she just internalized it.

This is something that isn't obnormal, I guess. Has anyone else experienced this? How fustrated did it make you? This really fustrated me and bothered me a lot.