Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I have come to know my husband has been messaging a woman who he is besotted about. They have been exchanging messaging about how they would have sex together. He's painted to her that he's in a toxic marriage - even though he is the sweetest man to me! I'm just horrified but can't tell him I know as my son has his exams starting tmrw and due to run for the next 6 weeks. I can't disrupt my sons mental state. This is destroying me - he did this to me 2 years ago and I hate the fact I fought to save our marriage for the sake of our children and our home. He's living a double life. How do I cope?
-
I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
-
Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
I am happy you are taking thought of your son and his mental state. I am sorry you are going through this. I hope it all works out. You dont deserve this and neither does your son. Hugs
So sorry that this concern is coming up again after dealing with it two years past. Fantasy, pornography, and anonymous behaving catches many people in their use of internet and private media---that not being an excuse, but saying that it sometimes catches people like other addictions and is a secret thing hard to stop successfully.
What were your best supports when this happened before? Confiding or consulting with your husband only? Friends? Counselor? Community specialist? Social or mental hygiene worker? Someone in the faith community? Did you come to any plan together at that time with your husband or just for yourself that you could look to for now or six weeks from now so you have a sense of when you can address this openly with those in your family who have a need to know as you make decisions (like your son and/or other children)?
Would you do well to contact one or more of the supporters/advisors you confided in before and start to think through in as clear detail as possible over the next weeks what you want and deserve for your future with or without ties to your husband.
You had the strength to deal with this before, and this must hurt more by degree this time. The feeling of being destroyed is not something you deserve for having given your husband the chance to stay in relationship with you. You care about your relationship, and I'm in the belief you will not just survive this, but find ways for yourself to thrive, whether your husband stays a part of that future or not.
Breakups for whatever reason I think are a bigger grief than a loved one dying, and you have all my sympathy. Prayers and wishies for you as you find helpers to walk with you through this time for grief and healing.
I put two years ago down to a midlife crisis. I had the support of my family and friends who just wanted us to resolve things as we were a good team. In hindsight that should have been my get out. But he would come over drunk and a complete mess as he couldn’t cope without me so I took him back.
He is now someone I do not know anymore (got himself tattoos on both sleeves ans chest - never even had one before) and such a brilliant liar as I’ve had conversations with him over the last week giving him plenty opportunity to tell me but instead he is gas lighting me and saying do you have another man?!?! Wow!
I do have people I can talk to but decided to come on this forum so no one is biased.
I’m dreading the day in 6 weeks time when I will confront him - I will dread the impact this will have on my 10 year old beautiful princess and 15 year old son. I will dread losing our beautiful home. But one thing I will not dread is being single but I know he also won’t just let me go as he can’t do anything without me. I run the home, the bills, the repairs, the cooking, cleaning, laundry car insurance etc etc. he goes to work and pays the mortgage and puts the bins out once a week. Plus I too work fulltime!
I love your quote - I will not only survive this - I will thrive! ❤️
Thank you for your wishes.
As a woman, I would tell you right now to first educate yourself and come to reality on his personality, who he really is. And then start a written plan for moving forward in your own life. Like getting a separate secret bank account for just you if the others are joint accounts. Getting tested for STIs. Start hiding away bits of money so you have some back up in case things blow up. People like your husband tend to stop paying the household bills once there is a separation. They get even. This is what I experienced.
The gaslighting is another thing to get educated on and get strong on. You are going to have to fight a crazy tiger to divorce this guy and he is going to take all he can get. So start now, make copies of records, hide those copies, go to a good attorney who can advise you on divorce in your area. So you know what it will cost you and what expectations might be on you and potential child custody and child support.
There is truly no hurry here. You will have to work on your own mental and emotional wellness right now to process all of this. He likely has many other women in the background or past. He just didn't get caught. Don't dread the day you have to confront him, get educated and prepared, have your legal ducks in a row, don't be emotional over his betrayal. So give yourself time to process and think.
He doesn't have to know you are thinking of divorce -- keep that your secret. He certainly keeps things secret from you. And tell the kids the truth when the time comes, but gently. Don't bash daddy totally but do say daddy has a girlfriend again, or whatever and our marriage has died. Maybe get help on this. Because he will lie and say to the kids you are crazy and he is innocent.
Come back and share how you are doing from time to time.
Thank you for the advice - I will start doing my research. I have planned to contact a solicitor today to get some legal advice and start getting my ducks in a row.
It was my big 50th yesterday and he was the sweetest man (again)! We had a lovely day with the kid and he spoilt me rotten. It just broke my heart thinking omg - you are going to throw this all away for an uneducated single mum with two young kids who uses such dreadful language in her messages to him. But anyways she’s not my concern - she is his problem not mine! Unless sh
I am on a massive emotional rollercoaster - one minute I am a lioness and feel like saying bring it on and the next a complete emotional wreck thinking this has all been my fault!
My sister and friend don’t know how I can keep it together - but I look at my children and they make me stronger by the day..
It reminds me of the Netflix drama Obsession - that man was obsessed with his son’s girlfriend and didn’t care even to the detriment to his own family. It’s like I’m living my own Netflix series.
I am saving all the messages. But unfortunately infidelity in the UK counts for nothing - it’s a “no fault divorce!!”
I will send an update soon. Thank you for your support x
Be sure to check with multiple lawyers if you can. They talk a good game and they don't all follow through.