Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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setback

seeker01
seeker01

Its been 4 1/2 months since any contact with my ex-fiance and day by day I felt i was getting stronger and more myself than ever.  Then I showed up at an event that he was not supposed to be at and we talked.  I told him I am healthy and going through a lot of self-realization- I didnt tell him that I am doing extensive EMDR (a type of therapy for trauma) and have been at times gut-wrenching lonely and questioning myself.  He said he was still madly in love with me and though has done some introspection, still doesnt understand why or how our relationship got so dyfunctional.  I have concurrent to this have stopped drinking alcohol entirely and doing a lot of yoga and am super fit and physically well.  We still love eachother.  The good in our relationship was very good (sex, recreation, entertainment) but the bad was very bad (verbal and emotional abuse, poor communication and triggered me into such anxiety that I couldnt eat or sleep.  When I walked away I knew it was the best thing to do.  I forced no contact for a reason.  Now he has let me know that I linger in his mind and he in mine daily.  It sucks so bad. I would love to move on but it is probably too soon to be serious. Im tetering on that damn fence that drove me back time after time.  There is every paralel to getting sober and leaving a toxic relationship in terms of cravings, anxiousness, fear and dread.  I know I am going to make it through this hump and honestly it's mostly because my therapist, daughter and best friend would disown me if I did!! Its back to "one day at a time".... I read all these posts and feel so bad for everyone gutting this shit out.  Its the worst. Hope to post something positive next time.....

sjs777
sjs777
dont underestimate the power of time - don't expect immediate change. seeking support for yourself is amazingly positive. stay strong and don't dwell on your relationship right now, focus on you. Side note: if ever things reconciled, it would only succeed if you each tended to individual challenges. The same is true for any future relationships. Stay strong, you're on the right path!!
Dragonflywishes
Dragonflywishes
Remember it's a marathon...not a sprint
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Yeah any contact always hurt me. It's a setback but not fatal. I'm over 2 years now total no contact and believe me it was the best move I've made. You'll be ok...just keep forging ahead
seeker01
seeker01
Thanks everyone for the replies...It really does help!
seeker01
seeker01
I can see myself in a different light now, a stronger, healthier version of myself. It was really good advice to not focus on the relationship... there is such a vast world out there, I was reminded of this while at the art museum looking at timeless paintings of the past and realized how we are here only for a flash in time, so much has passed and so much to come, rather than be absorbed in my tiny world of concern, I look past it and take in all the vastness in time and space to explore, learn, and experience while Im here- its really pretty awesome. I know if I were still in the relationship I would be absorbed and obsessed with all that was going wrong and concerning myself with his behavior, which will probably never change. What a journey....
kbbcoop77
kbbcoop77
Yeah when there's that much stress in a relationship it's usually better to just go through the break up pain and then get comfortable with yourself..
Sundancer
Sundancer
Seeker I feel you. I am so much more at peace when I am not in contact with him. But he called me last week. He knows me so well, he knows "the hook". He told me he had a dream. Something we always talked about that he never dreamed. He knows that I think we have this otherworldly connection. Yeah we probably do. Unfortunately if he had a dream which contained a message, he's not ready to hear the message. Not now, probably not in this lifetime. But I don't need to get into his side of things. We need to stay in ourselves. You are doing so well by making yourself healthier and more centered. That is your gift to the universe, to honor the sacred inside of you. That is the only way that you will be happy in your life because you carry your gift around every second of every day.
If your ex or mine really had done the work they need to do to be fully present in our lives, then the meeting wouldn't have been a chance meeting or the dream wouldn't have been something we "need to talk about in person, next week some time" Them telling us that they think about us and miss us is feeding their ego and also ours if we let it. Of COURSE he's thinking about you! You are amazing and getting better every day. Because your ego and identity are not tied up in him and how he treats you anymore. That is very enticing. You are more enticing to the rest of the universe now too. You radiate strength and health and joy. Keep walking in that direction. If you need to spend any energy on him then do it in the form of energy (call it prayer, meditation, thoughts or intent) that you send back to Source, our higher power, to ask for his growth and enlightenment. That's all you can do for him. If he grows and learns, you will intuitively know it. Then maybe you can be in each other's lives again. Not out of need but out of mutual respect and peace.
Happy Mother's Day if applicable.