Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My wife of 4 years blind sided me this past week and left with my two step children who I have raised for 4 years now. She only took a few things with her to I thought it was just a few day thing. But she came back yesterday cold hearted and took lots of stuff and said we will have dinner tonight and talk. The second she left, she texted and cancelled dinner.
Leading up to her leaving, we had a great Sunday Easter dinner. Followed by a family movie and laughs. The week prior I had changed the names of the step kids to match our family name. Had family pictures done for memorabilia. So anyways after Sunday Easter dinner we hung the new family picture on the walll. It was a great feeling for everyone. (Everyone as I’d my two boys and her girl and boy) This was the first family picture together with everyone having the same name. So as you can see all was just great!
Little did I know the next morning I left for work she and get two kids left house and to not return. She left and it’s been 5 days now and I am completely lost and heart broken. I don’t know what went wrong to have her leave after so much family moments the day prior.
A little more about it, in my thoughts is my wife is going through depression after being let go from her job 3 months ago. But why turn away from your biggest supported when in time of need. I supported her completely with emotions etc when losing her job. So my question is what can I do to get her back? (She said not coming back) if not coming back how do I deal with this loss of my wife and two step kids. I am completely crushed everyday and don’t know what to do. My heart is in little pieces...
Definitely don't start dating someone else. For one thing, you're still married! Also, what if she decides she wants to reconcile (and you do too)- and you're with someone else? Finally, it wouldn't be fair to a new person to share your broken heart with them. A new relationship deserves a new you, and you're so not there yet.
You'll have to take it day by day. Give her a little more time to herself, then approach her and tell her you need to know why she wants to split. Maybe she wants to reconcile. Maybe she's so confused and needs counseling to figure her emotions out. Maybe she's already decided it's 100% over and there is no chance to go back. You do deserve some answers, I hope you get some.
No reasons why she left, then only to say she’s not coming back yet, if she will ever be back.
So yeah, I agree with you about no dating. And I’ll just wait it out, cause I still do love her and adore her, and she knows i do! But it’s damn hard not to have her in my arms like it was for the last 4 years!
It’s just a big distraction from all the issues you have going on and I would sort all that out before you start looking for someone else to fill the void.
Tell her your changing the locks in 24 hours. Give her time to get her stuff and see her kids.
Then you won’t have to worry about her coming around when you’re not home and taking things.
I think you need to make a record of all the things she took, and start looking for divorce attorneys. Not to sound harsh, but you need to get the assets frozen before she takes everything.
Like someone said, take care of your finances. Sure looks like your marriage is over, so I would divvy up the cash, close anything joint (credit cards, bank accounts), and open up individual accounts. See if you can transfer her credit card debt onto a no-interest card in your name, so that just the minimum balance needs to be paid and no new purchases are put on there. You can have the divorce attorneys figure out who will get that debt in the end. Usually, if it was for stuff purchased before the split, it's joint debt. If you can prove it was for extravagant purchases, there's a chance you can have your attorney assign that debt to her solely. Sad to say, but she seems a bit calculating and you have to protect yourself. This stuff can be done even if you're still retaining hope that you too will get back together. If that's where your heart and mind are, think of it as just precautionary, because she doesn't sound particularly stable right now,
You will survive in the end, but I'm sorry for the struggles you're facing today.