Listen honey.... it seems you have worked and worked at this. I don't know that you could so much more.

You have been there for him and spent tons of time on this marriage. I am not sure he really thinks you are going anywhere. Maybe see what the space does for your relationship. You deserve the space as well.

OMG, wow, what a situation to be in! I separated because my husband was extremely verbally abusive, so pretty black and white there. But you are in the middle of gray upon gray! I think he really needs to let you know something that he wants, he can't stick with I don't know. Will he miss you and have an epiphany? Who knows. So if he can't make a decision other than taking the job, you need to take care of you. What do you really want and what is your gut telling you? I too believe marriage is a commitment, so I get it. Maybe research if there are jobs for you where he's going and open the lines of communication in that direction. Something has got to give. When I don't know what to do, I do nothing and often the answer will present itself, however that hasn't been my best course of action lately. Good luck and I hope you are able to come to a decision that makes you happy and brings you peace.

I would look at it this way. Since he is leaving and, since you have tried to make things work, I would not contact him. I would let him know that you are there but, I would let him make the first move towards you. If he doesn't make any attempt to contact, text, or phone you, then you will know that he wants his own space which unfortunately doesn't include you. Life is tough at times but, I learned a long time ago, you can't make someone love you, regardless of how hard you try.

Get an attorney and have something put in place for your finances during a separation. Protect your boundaries. Money always makes things even more confusing.

I am sorry you are going through this, it is one thing to have to be in limbo of not knowing what he wants but my thought is this, if he is taking the job for income for himself and for you then that is where he needs to be, as to why he does not want you to go with him as a fresh start that tells me he wants space and it is his easy way to not answer your question but respond with " I don't know" I would love it if my stbx moved out of state and still helped with the bills and such yet your situation is different. The ball is now in his court, you did your part now it will be up to him to contact you. If you feel you need to contact him from time to time to see how the job is going and if he has given any more thought to what he wants to do then do that.fine but it is your life too. It is not fair for you to be left in limbo . He has time to decide from now until he moves out of state . This is your life too and it is not fair for you to keep your life on hold while he is deciding. As far as seeing other people.. that is a no no. You should not start something until you have ended the first relationship . Your need time and your go through a healing process. Good luck to you I hope it works out for the best

If he is moving out of state it sounds like he made his decision. I say no contact for now and see how it goes.

Thank you so much for the replies. They are so helpful and it means a lot that you took the time to respond.

@onedayatatimeforme - we seperated our finances this summer as he was constantly pissy about money and I was tired of it. This job is only going to benefit him financially because of that...I'm having to move out of our home as I can't afford it alone.

@koko - thank you...simple short answer and I think in my head I know that...just keep thinking about it too much and over-analyzing things.

@fakeblonde- yes, so much gray area. We're best friends...we rarely ever fight...but our relationship marriage wise is where he pushed me out as he said my previously work travel caused him to feel like I didn't care about him ... even though I did and when I asked him if the amount of travel was okay, of course he said...yes, it's no problem...which was not how he really felt. His issues with depression are pretty deep...he won't take meds...we've been in counseling for a year and he just does not do anything to help himself become better. It's been really sad to watch.

@SBC1238 and @oldbiker - yes, I've given it everything I have...and he even admits that I have an he hasn't. I think you are right though - space is key and will time will tell if we are meant to be and this is just a rough patch or if we're done. I'm definitely not going to be trying separately for someone to stay in a marriage with me...and I'm exhausted from trying to lift him up

@alone - our finances are all separated as of this last summer.

Again, thank you everyone. It's hard when the person you care so much about is so depressed and is not willing to get himself help. If I didn't care about him so much as a person, I'd have stopped this over a year ago. The fact that we are the very best of friends makes this even harder. And he doesn't have any other friends.

first of all, so sorry that you find yourself here, on the other hand you won't find a better place to take this unwanted journey. Your ex sounds a lot like mine. He left me after only 7 years of marriage. We had a good marriage, at least in the beginning, we never fought, we had lots in common and liked to do the same things. We were that perfect couple, second marriage for both of us. He left his first wife and family and had an off and on again girlfriend for 10 years before he met and married me. I never thought he would up and leave me but he did. No getting him back, his mind was made up. What I have found out along this journey is that my ex, and quite possibly yours, are emotionally unavailable men. They will never be able to stay in any relationship until they figure out why they are the way they are. I feel mine was because of his mentally abusive dad as he was growing up, but that is another story for another time. Mine always left, I always went after him and brought him home. I thought I could love him enough to keep him home, safe with me. He just couldn't do it for whatever reason. I tried going no contact with him time and time again, but I was the one to always break it because I loved and missed him so much. A relationship takes two people, not one trying to keep it together. When one doesn't try or runs away all of the time, its probably doomed. I hope not for your sake, but his leaving the state is a huge red flag, at least to me.
I guess what I want to say is just this, give it all you have which you've done so you wont have any regrets regardless of the outcome. I would try no contact for awhile to see how it plays out. I went no contact in Jan. 2016 and unfortunately, my ex just hasn't reached out once, it has been hard but he made his choice, it wasn't me and I have to live with that for the rest of my life. Follow your gut, take care of YOU and don't rush into anything. Time is on your side right now, but he is ultimately the one that needs to figure himself out. Good luck, I know how hard it is to love someone who doesn't love himself. That kind of relationship is exhausting and will take its toll on you so again, take this time to really think about the kind of man you want to be with and weigh the pros and cons. Hugs!!

Hi. I really have no advice to give. My marriage is definitely in a rough patch, but you're going through the wringer. I just wanted to say how sorry I am that things are the way they are. Sometimes life royally sucks. But not all the time.

Here's a link to an interesting National Public Radio article on finding happiness and how resilient our emotions really are: http://www.npr.org/programs/ted-radio-hour/267185371/simply-happy?showDate=2016-12-30. I found it encouraging.