Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Wife and I have been separated for almost 5 months now. Where we live you must be separated for a year before divorce. We have 2 young children. I wasn't the best husband but never physically cheated and she had enough. Had problems for a year or so and then things got really bad last December. Long story short she moved out in June. Throughout this year her now former boss has been pursuing her. He told her he was in love with her and supposedly transferred her to another job when she didn't reciprocate(according to her). He did this as soon as she moved out but had said things to,her before that weren't ok. When I found out I asked her to not communicate with him and caught her multiple times sending snap chat messages to,him. She says she's not interested and was extremely mad at him that she got transferred. Her therapist recommended her to go on vacation to distress and think. She told me the place she was going was 2 or 3 hours away in the mountains. She originally planned on the beach but hurricanes changed that. When she got back i found plane tickets to Vegas in her car. She admitted her former boss had an extra tickets and was going to Vegas for work and offered her the ticket when her beach plans fell through, supposedly she had no interaction with him on the trip and didn't even sit next to him on the plane.
Sadly I check,her phone records because this whole situation has made me crazy. She stopped texting and calling him for a while. This whole time we still spend time together and occasionally go on dates. She has to figure out what she wants she says. But this weekend I checked her records and she had 2 calls to and from him Friday and both were nearly an,hour long. When she picked up the kids Saturday she dropped a receipt from a liquor store where she bought a bottle of jager which she never drinks. She only drinks beer and wine. Anyways she has texted or called him several times this weekend. But still says she loves me and kisses me b4 she leaves the house and cooked me dinner for no,reason other than to do it.
So idk what to do. I want things to work out but if she is seeing this guy then I can't put up,with it. I feel like she is but I don't understand why she is acting like we may work out if she's seeing this dude. I'm a mess any help or encouragement would go a long way!
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I so exhausted from pain in my back that started Sunday but was mild and almost gone till I took bath that night and think I twisted or did something to take it to excruciating...I am away for work in a different state so traveled Monday and worked today then called my boss to fyi her about fact I am falling apart and walking like elderly person! I did telemed and they called in prednisone and...
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Can't wait to burn my pumpkin spice candle! National Coffee Day is coming up on the 29th so I hope to score up on a free coffee.
She's clearly bonking the boss. Not sure where the confusion is coming from. Went to vegas with him and you're both trying like crazy to pretend she didn't. Not sure where this level of denial is getting either of you.
She's clearly left you but is on some level trying to let you down easy.
I recommend not reading her shit any more. Give it a miss. You're only finding out stuff you don't want to know.
But one thing: she's gone. It's goodbye from her. So just drop the whole attempt and find a way to get through this. Maybe you need counselling. I found that helped tremendously as somewhere to offload all the pus...
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That's because once people are separated she doesn't owe you any loyalty and it's not called cheating anymore. It's simply part of trying to figure out what she wants out of life. My best guess is she's just being nice to you by not rubbing your face in it.
Once she figures out you have been stalking and judging, she's gonna run for the hills. You're proving that she made an outstanding choice by leaving you. Just thought you might want to know.
I think you are saying that she's throwing off mixed signals. Doing things for you and kissing you yet has separated from you and going out of town with another man. That is confusing. Instead of focusing on her, you should focus on yourself. Regardless of whether you stay together or divorce, what will make you happy and healthy? Date nights and working on things sound great but still you should start therapy or join a divorce/separating group and you will find that you are not so alone.
Take care. Hugs.
As for her former boss, if she is truly unsure, she should reframe from getting too close with this person as this can not only create misunderstanding/confusion to you but also to her former boss she may unintentionally (unconsciously) leading him on for something serious when that isn't her true intention. If she is not sure about her feelings and her wants, she should reframe from putting herself in a situation or doing something that can create misunderstanding that is not going to do any good for anyone even for herself.
The thing is, that separations seldom ever bring people closer together. YOU'RE using this time to hope, and snoop, and hope,and hope and hope.
And she's using this time to move further and further mentally away from you. Sleeping with someone else or not (only 1 or 2 states will consider sex outside of marriage adultery during a separation), she's still not calling you and talking to YOU for hours...is she.
Her love is moving to platonic....brother type stuff. NOT the type of love you want. (Ten years down the line, you may both actually feel that way towards each other, and it makes for a good post-divorce relationship.) But today, it hurts like hell.
I have no real advice. There's no timetable for going through this stuff. I won't be able to convince you to give up hope before you're ready.
Okay, a bit of advice. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Get out of the house. Join some club, activity, church, bookclub, hiking group, gym...whatever. BUT get out of the house and meet people.
Whenever you hit the anger stage...work it out physically. If you drink, make sure that you've got a good friend with you, or do it at home.
It's a rough roller coaster of emotions, but you WILL make it through this.
Patti
When my wife cheated I wanted nothing more than her suffering as much as I was mentally! I was driving myself crazy following her every move digitally and physically. I had a choice, trust her and rebuild or don’t and get a divorce. What did I have to lose, I love her, we have kids together, I’ve already been hurt so what’s the big deal in trusting a little bit more?! You have nothing to lose except your wife, your relationship and your ideal or idea of a family! You’ve already lost, you’re already in pain, give it up and work on your marriage and hopefully, as I found out, the relationship will be better than it was from the beginning.