Peace fairy before you pass judgement on me. I had to go down in Feeburary and come up with 2500 bucks to bail out my ex because she was getting evicted. She didnt bother paying any rent from August 09 to Feburary 2010, My business was really slow I made a whole $65.00 that week. On top of that I asked her to go down to the DAS office to let me at least write off a thousand of it. Guess what she wouldnt do it. I ate freekin 2500 dollars., On top of that I still have to pay court ordered child support by December I will have paid over FIVE FUCKIN GRAND IN AS LITTLE AS 6 MONTHS! My kid turned his back on me after all of this. So I wanted to set up a meeting wihth them to salvage my son. Do you know what I got? I got lied to on sunday I wanted to talkto him told he was camping found out later he was home I asked her to call me the following week so we could meet and have talke after school. She said she would. Guess what she lied to me again and stabbed me in the back. I never got that call! All i want to do is talk to my fucking kid! That hurt me so bad It destoryed me it still has destoryed me. I aske him to get a part time job to help his mother out on bills after I came up with all that money. They said they would. Well she lied to me again she never makd him get a job! Hes almost 18!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He will be 18 in two days! She woudnt sign the papers to let me sign off 1000 bucks! But she busted her ass down to the DAS office to sighn the paper work to bleed me out of another year of child support. Bythis time next year I will have to have put out al most $10,000!!!!!!! for two people that hate my gutts! I have put out thousands of dollars on home repairs for her and him. Bought her three cars that she proceeded to beat the shit out of and run them into the ground while I kept buy parts and putting them infor her for free. The last car I bought her she woudnt even have the oil changed and finally blew it up! Its dead in the drive way. I put almost 2000.00 in that car! So before you open up your big fat mouth and pass judgment on me maybe you need to find out the facts!

No judgement. You covered this before and I said the same thing at the time. I know the story, but my opinion still stands.

You create them, you support them.

Cudaman I am like you, like to do nice things for people and stuff like that. I get used lots of times (not just by men) so far I am still a giver and a doer of nice things really trying to cut back on that! lol Just be your regular nice guy self but don't be too helpful! Look for someone to just hang out with casually, someone who likes to do what you do. Keep your eyes open for those red flags. DON'T go for a messed up person who is dealing with lots of stuff, you might find yourself wanting to rescue that person and you might end up getting burned. There are lots of women out there who are looking to get back into dating and are feeling just like you, so just take things slowly. Don't expect the first person you meet to be a keeper, cuz ya never know they might be on parole or something! (not that all parolies are bad people)

Hmmmmm, I didn't get the impression Peacefairy was judging you, simply stating the obvious: REGARDLESS of the details, your children are your responsibilty until they're of legal age. Doesn't matter what his mom does or what she "cost" you, the child you two had together are your responsibiltiy. No excuses.

Now back to the topic. I was never a big "dater" I had one boyfriend before I met my husband of 21 years. Recently I met a local guy I spent 4 months with because I too needed the warmth and cuddles. He came with a few more things though. Like a controlling disposition and attitude, and absolutely no higher education that allowed him to conduct a decent conversation without the use of theats and expletives if it was not going his way. I got rid of him, but to be honest I needed the affection and it was worth it for that. At least I knew that was all it was, and didn't expect the whole "knight in shining armour" thing.

Just be careful and honest with yourself and the other person. No one should walk away hurt in any way.

Cuda, I haven't read everyone's replies yet, but here's my 2 cents (from what friends have shared, not personal experience--who know when THAT will be. *eyeroll*)

On any of those sites, there are good apples & bad apples. Even on the more reputable sites (like eHarmony, Match, etc.) I've heard there are some scary or sleazy people, or just not very high quality.
i have a divorced male friend in Canada who is not having too much luck with Match, even though he'd be considered a "great catch" to most women (again, subjective.)

So i think if you just have a very honest, boundary-specific listing, and are careful in screening those who contact you, you should be fine. Even Craigslist can work, because there are good people on all these site, just as there are weirdos & other undesirables.

Hope this helps. :)

Cuda,
He's only 18 and you don't know what type of influence he's getting. I know it's hard when they seem to turn away but don't give up on your son. Let him know you'll be around should he need you.

At some point he'll come around, could take a few years from my experience. It's hard on him too, please don't take it personally over what he does.

Best of luck on the dating scene, I'm still too chicken..

Well Peace F Some times you need to butt out its none of your stinking business. I have put 10 of thousands of dollars on her over the years to help them both. In return I have gotten lied to and stabbed in the back and both of them have turned there back on me. I hope it happens to you. Then you can feel the pain I am going through. I dont shove my nose into your private afairs. So do me a favor kindly butt out! Like the old saying Opinions are like assholes everybodys got one! So Keep your judgemental oppinions to your self! The law states that I only have to pay untill he is 18 she rangled it so I have cough up another years worth. If she hadnt lied to me and he would of responded to my numerous request to too see him this wouldnt be an issue I would have no problem paying another year! Do you see where I am comming from? Now I am seeing why you piss people off on here. No wonder!

I want to thank everybody eles for there positive responses to my blogs. You guys are freekin ausum! :}

Cudaman, i winced when i read the harsh reply to your post. I would sure hate to make myself vulnerable like that, open up about my innermost feelings & doubts, and then be ripped a new one about a whole other subject altogether (or even the same subject.)
Honest respectful advice or feedback is fine, but none of us should be kicked when we're down (or EVER, for that matter!)

We're here to offer support and honest but kind advice. As the old saying goes: "It's more important to be kind than to be right:" That's emotional intelligence. Militant righteousness doesn't help the heart heal.

On every forum there are a few people who become a bit bully-like.
Sometimes it's passive-aggressive, and sometimes it's just plain aggressive. But unfortunately it's human nature and even happens in families. Some members take that kind of harshness laying down, and others like you, fight back. Good for you for fighting back, but you shouldn't have to defend yourself as a good father to any of us here.
It sounds like you've done a lot for your son, even after he turned 18. Wistom is right, at that age a lot of feelings are in flux. Don't take any of it personally. He is still a kid and doesn't even understand. As he gets older, he may realize a few other things,a nd he will always know you were a responsible dad.

No one should judge anyone here or on any "support" forum till they walked a mile in their shoes--not the same style shoes, not the same size shoes, but the exact same shoes.

THANK YOU GRACE SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS. ITS REALLY SAD THAT PEOPLE THAT ARE MISSERABLE HAVE TO LASH OUT AT COMPLETE STRANGERS TO MAKE THEM MISERABLE ALSO.

THANK YOU SO MUCH !IT WAS KIND WARM ,GOOD TIMMING AND MUCH NEEDED! YOU REALLY MADE MY NIGHT WITH YOUR THOUGHTFULL LETTER OF SUPPORT! THANK YOU AGAIN! :}

Cuda, at least you can feel good that you are able to pay child support. I know it's a touchy subject. I was so relieved when my STBX kids were 18 and support was over. We never saw them after 15...anyway.

About meeting people. THat's why I like the south. People are friendly here and they LOVE TO TALK! Keep on emailing, and don't give up! Happy Thanksgiving!

Once again, I'm not judging. Judging would involve making a personal statement against someone in a derogatory fashion. I've not done that, parents are responsible for their children until they reach legal age.

Using another analogy, if I bought a car, six months into the payments had an accident and wrote it off, I would still be responsible to pay for that car. If I took a loan out to buy a business, and the business failed, I would still be responsible for that loan.

I'm sorry your son has made this choice. As was said earlier, you don't know what information he is being fed.

And if 18 is the legal age, That should be as long as you are responsible for. That's all that I have ever said.

I haven't said anything negative to you or about you, just something you don't agree with, and that's fine. I haven't been insulting. I have read and understand your story. Not my first time at the rodeo. Be as angry as you want, but I've treated you with respect. I ask the same in return.

FAIRY I THINK YOU HAVE SAID ENOUGH AND I HAVE HEARD ENOUGH!. LETS DROP IT!

Hugs Cudaman!!!We support you.I understand your frustration with PeaceF's opinion.My ex, refuses to work.He has daughter.He used moma's money to fight me in court for joint custody.I dont receive a dime from him.My brother pays for his son, that he has been court several times fighting his ex to see his son.His ex has turned him against him.He is thirteen now, and refuses to see my brother.Yet, she is trying to suck him dry for every penny he makes.He (my brother)has remarried and has two other children.His ex lives with her grandmother and has worked maybe two jobs in her life.Her grandmother is very wealthy and pays for everything.They (grandmother and ex are truly pyschotic).I would send you a hug or message,but Im not a listed friend.:(