I'm not sure I'm the right person to give you advice. I don't believe in casual sex or hookups. I've slept with 2 men in my life, my ex-husband and my current Significant Other of 4 yrs.

What you're looking for, you're not going to find in quick hookups on Internet dating sites or meetups in bars. It sounds like your looking for a relationship, someone to love and love you back, someone to be with you for the longterm. That takes patience. It takes finding someone who shares your interests and enjoys the same things you do. I know there are a couple of more reputable dating sights like EHarmony and Match.com. If you like the idea of dating via Internet I'd stick with those type of sites where you have to pay for the services, where they take real information and you get to know people that are matched to you by algorithms. Then I'd recommend dating guys your interested in, going out and doing fun things you enjoy, but not jumping into bed with them. I think you'll be more respected and you'll take the time to get to know the guy or guys and see if its really someone you might find a future with.

Take care,

Thanks for the advise. I need some time off to reconnect with myself.

Sounds good. One thing I didn't say....learning to love yourself and just be happy with you is the first step to being happy in a relationship. If you can't be happy with yourself, then the relationships tend to not work. Taking time off, just getting to know you, enjoying your company and loving yourself and being happy alone is a great first step.

Take care,

Lilly
You did the right and strong thing leaving your x. I think your underestimating yourself. Sure, you looked for a quick fix to fill the void a couple of times, but it didn't work, so what, you're human. You sound committed to not taking that path anymore and that decision alone opens up a whole new set of possibilities for finding real happiness, hint: you won't find it in another person. Give yourself some self care and don't be so hard on yourself. Good luck to you, I'm sure you'll be ok.

Thank u.

Trying to deny your feelings with hookups is not getting the job done. You cannot escape the fact that you're just gaining a bad reputation for yourself.
You've been hurt, badly, and need to deal with it. I mean REALLY deal with the pain head on.
I've had to with my ex. You can with yours.

Hi Lily,

I can relate to wanting to cover your feelings so you look for someone else to fill those voids. I too kind of went down that same path. I wanted to replaces what me and my ex had and I wanted to feel wanted again. However, I did talk to a few guys but never hooked up with any of them. It took me a few months but I started to realize I was not going to find in those other guys, what I wanted. I wanted my ex. I wanted his love and his touch and no matter how many men I may have met they wouldn’t give me what I needed because I didn’t love them, and the love is what I was looking for deep down.

So I backed away from looking for anyone right now. Instead I am focusing on me. I am in counseling to help me get past the pain in my heart. And I am being good to myself because it’s been a very hard year. I still love him but I am going to be ok. I am determined to be ok.

Try to focus on yourself and your feelings for your ex. Know that you will not find anyone to replaced your feelings or distract you from how you feel because it’s love for your ex. You feel the way you do because of love. You won’t find that with a hookup. It will leave you feeling even more empty. Take some time to work through this. Find yourself again. Then when the time is right you can truly look for someone else.

Good luck and I am here if you need someone to talk to.

it is really pretty simple,
you don't like your choices that you made to handle stress
you hooked up & did stuff not consistent with who you really are...
that is good, says at your core you are someone good & solid
so
look in the mirror, give yourself a good talking to for effffing up and then accept that you've berated yourself enough

Thanks! :-)