As I lay in bed last night unable to sleep I had some random thoughts. I started thinking about my ex and wondering if it was him I missed or this idea of him I created in my own head while leaving much of the actual reality out of it. The moments I miss him I would tell myself how much I missed him, how wonderful he was and how much I enjoyed being him with him. The truth is although I had good moments this relationship was such a one way street. I idealized the though of who I wanted him to be and who I built him up to be without taking into account many of his actions.

Random example:
His mother had a heart attack - I spent 2 days in the hospital with her, my grandfather died he didn't even come to the funeral.

I could make a list with dozens of more things but I think everyone gets the idea. When you love someone so much you ignore all the bad and don't even let your self think of them. When you lay in bed missing them wishing they were there somehow THOSE thoughts get blocked out. If I could remember everything he did I do feel it would keep me more on track. My mind doesn't want to go down that road and remember those things and this is why I feel like my progress has stalled. This is why I feel I have been in more pain recently. how do you do you prevent your mind from weeding out bad moments and making you feel like you missed out on this perfect thing when the reality isn't even that.