Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Does the second guessing ever stop?? The divorce was my idea. I had good cause, infedility, lies, out of control temper, did I mention lies? I was not perfect, though my ex-husband feels that I did no wrong. What I regret is I gave no indication that anything was wrong, he was totally blind sided when I asked him for the divorce. The reason I never indicated anything was wrong, was to not provoke his temper. But what I am second guessing, is perhaps I should have offered to do marriage counseling, instead of right off asking for a divorce. I did contemplate this, but changed my mind at the last minute as I feared he would just lie or change for a while and then go back to his old ways. I am at peace with my decision most of the time, but occasionally I keep wondering if I did the right thing. We were together for 19 years, that is a long time. And a mute point I suppose as the divorce has been final for 3 months. It's this awful holiday season that is drudging up all these thoughts and feelings!!!
i am sorry for what you are feeling - its a pain to second guess everything - i think when you made this decision, it wasnt something you took lightly - you weighed it out and made the decision with clarity. now the second guessing comes from fear, and from what you said about it not having been final that long and its the holiday season (which can cause stress even in the most healthy situation).
i think i will always wonder if i said this, if i had done this, would it have made a difference? and the thing is, the more i distance myself from it, the more i realize i wasnt the only one in the relationship that had work to do. and he was never going to do the work. i couldnt do it by myself. and on top of that, i realize that we were just not a match. there were a lot of red flags in the beginning that i simply ignored out of fear, codependancy or whatever the reason was.
please know you arent alone in this. go easy on yourself. xoxo
Maybe that is an indication of the likelihood of him changing his ways..........maybe you should take that as your answer. Even if he was blindsided with it, if he really didn't want it you would have thought he would have come up with a fight against it or those suggestions of counseling before allowing it to be final. If there was any chance of a change.