Today is the day I see the divorce lawyer - is like a nightmare but at the same time I feel like I'm moving forward and not stuck hoping for things to get better. Never in a millon years I would have thought that I would be a divorce single mother. The journey has been long and painful, many tears shed, lots of sleepless nights and I'm sure many more to come but less and less in betwen. I feel emotionally ready but then other worries drowned my mind - I'm scared of the future, raising my children as a single mother (my stbx is in the miitary so it is harder to have joint custody and for him to be involved in the kids lifes), making mistakes as a mother, life changes and challenges, not been able to keep lifestyle that we have for my children, financial difficulties, even though I do work and I would get child support is not the same having 2 full incomes to depend on child support and one income, moving, settling on a new home, leaving behind the life I've been leaving for the past 11 yrs.

I've been alone before, since my stbx is in the military, but knowing that he is not coming back and is just going to be me and the kids permanently is a scary thought. Right now the future scares me - I do have faith that things are going to be ok but is also going to be a long road - when does it stop? when can I stop and breath and enjoy my life? I am breathing and I'm enjoying part of my life but I want to be 100% happy and fully enjoy my life.

Even though we took this decision, which is painful, Im scared how am I going to react when I see him with another woman - I know we both are going to rebuilt our lives but it is difficult imagining him with another family that is not ours.

I read a lot that things to get better and I now believe that they do - I just hope that the adage of "Time heals all wounds" is also true