Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I feel sad and I feel like I dont want to be in a relationship anymore. I'm currently in a relationship with someone and I feel like I don't want to keep going anymore.
We met last year and things were going well. We bought a house together and moved in a little too fast, like after three months. I felt like it was fast, but we really liked each other. She has 2 kids from a previous relationship.
It's s bit hard for me to live with someone, I always lived by myself and I liked that, having lots of time for myself and having peace. Now I feel like I dont have time to do the things I always used to do. There's always something or some activity or someone to visit. Sometimes I feel exhausted and when I want to do something like taking the afternoon off for myself and go for a walk, she always complains that I'm distancing myself and dont want to spen time with them.
The kids dont really see me as a father figure, more like a big brother. The father is in the picture because it's a shared custody and they're at their father's house half the time. They are ok and usually well behaved, nothing out of the ordinary, the usual child tantrum and kid stuff, nothing crazy. I'm not responsible for anything when it comes to them, not morally nor financially. Sometimes I spend time with them and play with them, but nothing really deep like reading them stories or helping them do homework and stuff like that.
Sometimes I feel left out in the house. Like they (my gf and the kids) have their own world and I'm just a separate roommate. A couple of times there's been fights and I feel sometimes like everyone in the house is against me and I feel like I just want to leave the house.
We tried having a kid of or own for about a year with no success. I think the biggest obstacle is her age, low 40's.
A big part of me just wants to end everything, sell the house and move on. I was thinking about keep paying for the house for a few months until the next school year is over and she can get back on her feet and not affect the kids too much. I'd like to go back to my old condo.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
If you have a condo waiting in the wings, looks like you made the decision to not let go of your old life to create a new life with this woman and her kids.
As a single parent, I had my son at 43, and It's Hard to be an older parent. It's a hard decision to make when kids are involved.
Best to you, your girlfriend and her kids.
Everything you write is your honest wisdom. It was too soon. You are not really part of her family. If you are not married, you are just the live in boyfriend and the kids may not really like that mom is living with someone who takes her time and attention. What you write is the reality of your situation and you have to decide to give up, or give in and accept how things are for how things are.
As a mother, her first obligation is to the kids, not you. Bringing you in was a mistake perhaps or she needed help getting a mortgage. Trying to create an instant family is usually futile and not going to work. Her kids see you as perhaps a friend because they have a father already. It might be that her kids resent you and wish their mom and dad were married. They have feelings about a new guy moving in and now he feels depressed and is not fitting in. The kids know what is going on and how this home has a bit of chaos going on. That is how this works as a step-parent. I am a step-parent, too.
What is most important is what is best for the kids. How is this living arrangement affecting them. You are very honest here about how the living arrangement is affecting you and how you feel. Think about how the kids might feel about you being there. A stranger moving in with their mom and now they are supposed to pretend you are dad, which they may not like, either.
If you want to stay and make it work, you have to know you have no rights to the kids, you are just an onlooker not the parent. Even if you are married, as a step parent you have no real rights to the kids, to discipline them or try to make family rules. Mom and their birth father have the rights. So we have to put up with a lot or we have to try to get the parent to make changes to the rules or the situation.
It might be best to use protection because if she gets pregnant, it might bring more chaos into those kids lives and will make you stuck in the relationship, with the living arrangement, etc.
Yes, you are on the right track; getting out of that relationship makes perfect sense if it's not benefiting your well-being. I wouldn't be mad at you if you decide to follow your heart and intuition and do as you describe for your well-being. You will always need yourself first.
Years ago I was with a man for a time that had 2 children and we really cared for each other for a time but I really felt nothing for his kids other than they were good kids ..There was no connection
If you reslly believe you love this woman getting into some couple's therapy could help you to iron our some of these issues IF you really want to put in the work
If not I agree to cut your losses and I also agree not to just move out seek legal councel re the house first
I wish you well
..xo