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Sad, desperate need advise

guachita
guachita

Need help, since about November 2016 I started to notice change in my husbands attitudes and behavior. Not wanting sex, very upset for everything. Suspecting an infidelity but had no prove. He would deny it and would put the blame on the kids, on how naughty they were. 


Finally one night I used a gps app we both had in our phones and found out he was not where he was saying he was. Since I'm not good with directions and honestly thought he was telling me the thruth when I confronted him. Than same night having sex he pushed me away when I wanted to kiss him on the lips. Could not sleep and decided to look in his phone. Found messages with a woman. They had been seeing each other for lunch exchagingn gifts and he was very flirtatious with her. I was consumed with anger, sadness and shock. Did not know  what do to how to react. 


My first gut feeling was to confront him. He denied everything and then said he was done with our marriage and that he was leaving me. 


He said he was leaving me and staying with the other woman. Said he could not talk anymore and went back to sleep. I was left numb. my world crumbling inside my hands  like sand and had no idea how. 


I talked to 2 friends and they were upset and said things about his behavior and reaction  


He found out about it and now he turned everything on me saying I was the one that finished the marriage by talking to others and by looking at his phone  



he he calm down a few days later accepted counseling denied an infidelity and says it was just a friendship  


now he won't touch me and says he can't forgivebthe fact that i went in his phone and talked to others about him and my suspicions    


Said he needed a break took a week came back home and since that it has been 3 months  he still says he can't forgive me  


I think we will end up in divorce I can't be more patient can I? He does  not want to see it was his behavior what made me lose trust and had to check his phone  


he does not realize he is blaming me for something he was already doing and that I had to confirm  


only people that go through this understand the insanity infidelity brings to a person  



why can't he see he is wrong? Why blame everything on me?


Please help






bridgie101
bridgie101
Oh: he can't make you feel guilty without your consent. That's the one thing you can't make him own. You have to buy into his crap to feel guilty, and that's entirely your choice.

Just don't.
Biatta
Biatta
Listen,..yea, femail friend..just a friend who he was on a date with. I know men covery up their affairs by just naming it a "frandship ".
Make it clear to him,you know this is not just a friendship. You did not wrong. And, your friends comments are normal..Nothing to be pissed off. He is at fault.
Atpeacemary
Atpeacemary
wow, so now it is your fault because he was caught. Well, as other have said, be prepared to be blamed for everything and anything that he can think of. Of course his mother is backing him. Mine did the same thing. He was her golden boy, who could do no wrong. There is nothing you can do. I would have packed his bags and send him back to mommy. You are right, you can never trust him again. Once that is broken, it is broken for good. Do you really want to live not trusting him. Always wondering where he is and with whom. Even if you are in the same room, wondering what he is thinking about. Please do yourself a big favour. Get a lawyer, therapist and a financial advisor and keep a couple of plans ready. What I tell a lot of people, when you see him, just smile, turn around and walk away. Or if you have to talk, ask in does he want a cookie with that. You do not owe him anything anymore. Hugs
bakerjackie321
bakerjackie321
Sounds to me like he took a week off and went to her. My money is on the fact she didn't want him full time or that he didn't want her full time. Call his bluff. Tell him go to her and see what happens.
bees2000
bees2000
I only see one thing in which I feel you should have done differently. You should have kept quite. When my husband and I first married, got married, this one woman ,-whom he dated prior to our marriage kept calling and he'd talk with her. I was very upset but didn't tell him because I didn't know how without attacking him verbally . While at work I told my friend how heart broken this made me. She was very smart. She said you gotta teach him how it feels. So, a male coworker called me, told me a joke and made me laugh. My husband knew the co,-worker, a handsome guy. When my husband heard me laugh, he turned pale. That's all I had to do. The next evening when I got home, he said "baby, I think that we shouldn't have other men or woman call us since we're married now. Sometimes, they just have to be made to see how you feel. Sneeky, maybe but he understood. Men are so dumb sometimes to manipulating woman who do not respect marriage. He honestly may not have seen what he was doing and is still in denial Sweety, sometimes we have to protect our hubbys from those home reckers. Sometimes, we gotta attrack beas with sweet honey. Say sweet words, dont hound him. He honestly sounds like he was being manipulated by that other woman. Save your marriage if you can? Good luck.
Dragonflywishes
Dragonflywishes
I absolutely went through almost the same thing. Started suspecting stbx was cheating, looked on phone, found messages, and then he blamed me for snooping. Now we are divorcing, which I asked for because THIS situation is all HIS fault. Remember he can't make you feel anything you don't feel and his only response is to blame you. Do not let him...you are stronger than he is and you have all the control. Don't let him take any of YOUR choices away from you.
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